Drug Company VP Admits New Diet Drug Made Him Crap His Pants


Crapping your pants is a small price to pay for weight loss, isn’t?

GlaxoSmithKline executive, Steve Burton thinks so. He’s out there marketing Alli, GSK’s new OTC weight loss drug. Not only are they throwing a special “sneak peak” party in NYC’s Union Square, but they’re also giving away a book full of advice about Alli… and its special brand of side effects. From the Alli book, “Are You Losing It?”:

“You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of your treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work. “

There’s nothing to be ashamed about. Even GSK VP Steve Burton admitted to having “one experience like that.” Oily rectal spotting, you are just the price we must pay for thinness. Well, that… and $1 a day. —MEGHANN MARCO

On The Money [CNBC]

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  1. Canadian Impostor says:

    I can finally use all of the Olestra jokes I was storing up.

  2. Uurp says:

    Heck, it’s a smart idea to wear dark pants and bring a change of clothes anyway, especially where I work.

  3. B says:

    I think I’d rather be fat.

  4. Coder4Life says:

    My chef’s salad no longer tastes too good, after I read that oily rectal spotting comment… ugh.

    Well that was a descent lunch up till then..

  5. drezdn says:

    It’s not a bug it’s a feature!

  6. Starfury says:

    And who says Depends are just for old people.

  7. davere says:

    Is this the OTC version of Xenical? Laugh all you want, I lost 100 lbs on it and I kept it off.

    The secret is to eat healthy, then you don’t have any problems. Now, go to McDonald’s and get a big mac with a super size fry, and you’ll be visiting the toilet a while later.

    Eventually you get in the habit of eating healthy, you get motivated when you see your weight go down, and you learn what you can and cannot eat. Eventually you go off it and you keep eating regularly and exercising.

    Now, you could lose the same amount of weight without this drug, it just helps you lose the weight faster. This is not a miracle pill, if you eat bad, you won’t lose any weight, and you’ll shit a lot.

  8. veterandem says:

    Try new Alli, it’s craptastic! Seriously though, I hope they have enough portable toilets to handle the “load” during the “sneak peak” at Union Square. Why don’t people just stop eating so much, well, crap? That’ll drop some weight (along with an exercise regimen). Shit (oops!), now I sound a commerical….Ask your doctor is Alli is right for you.

    Maybe they are in league with the Depends people!

  9. QuirkyRachel says:

    I think my favorite euphemism for this reaction (that a lot of diet related products seem to result in) is “anal leakage.”

  10. TinaB says:

    Are we sure that crapping your pants is a side effect? Maybe that’s how you lose all the weight!

  11. Dustbunny says:

    @QuirkyRachel:

    And wouldn’t “Anal Leakage” be a great name for a band?!?

  12. JRuiz47 says:

    Sounds like a job for:

    Oops, I Crapped My Pants!

  13. hypnotik_jello says:

    @davere: I totally agree, the key to weight-loss is a healthy diet combined with daily excercise. Eating right isn’t just about keeping oneself trim, but more importantly to avoid many common health problems: high blood pressure/hypertension, heart disease, etc. It’s amazing how many people want a simple easy way out from their problems.

  14. cgmaetc says:

    How is this different from taking some ex-lax?

  15. quantum-shaman says:

    ALLI = Anal Leakage – Low Intensity???

  16. royal72 says:

    i can’t even find the words for the stupidity, well maybe… if anyone is seriously dumb enough to use this shit from the snake oil peddlers at glaxosmithkline, i hope your ass falls out and hangs there like an elephants trunk dripping hormone infused grease from the deep frier at mcdonalds.

  17. rodeobob says:

    The whole ‘anal leakage’ issue really is a “feature” and not a “bug” when you get down to it…

    Weight loss, all weight loss, works on the basic principle of “eat less, exercise more”.

    Fake fats (Olestra), “fat-trapping” pills, and other things really work best as a nasty sort of Pavlovian conditioning against eating too much fatty food. Will “WOW” chips give you a bad case of the squirts? If you eat half a bag they will! But you really shouldn’t be eating a half-bag of potato chips anyway, should you?

    I put these ‘weight loss’ tools in the same category as the use of Antibuse for alcoholics: create negative consequences for negative behavior to condition new behavior patterns.

  18. Slytherin says:

    I don’t think I would want to go to a “sneak peek” party for this weight loss drug if everybody’s going to be shitting their pants and stinking up the joint. Just saying…

  19. Anonymous says:

    this reminds me of a hilarious craigslist article.

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/182862349.html

  20. LAGirl says:

    @s0crates82: wow. that was gross. funny. but really gross.

  21. oldhat says:

    Just what desperate fatties need…shit dribbling down their legs and smearing it all over the chairs in the food court, bus stop benches, subways, always smelling shit and looking in disgust at the nearest tub of lard, kids pointing, teenagers openly mocking them.

    Or they’ll just wear diapers. Do they make them that big?

  22. oldhat says:

    @s0crates82: Holy Shit. Seriously? What have we done?

  23. Itch says:

    davere :

    First ya, yeap that’s Alli. I originally thought it was some chemical derivative of Olestra as well, but its not. Wikipedia actually has some good info on the chemical structures if you want to know.

    But I gotta ask, what’s to say you wouldn’t have lost the weight by eating healthy anyways? The only benefit I can think of is aversion therapy. Kinda like the drugs that make you sick when you drink alcohol. And there’s a few things to consider from a nutritional perspective. Some vitamins the body needs are only fat soluble. That’s how they are used to get into the body.

    I’m associated with, but didn’t write, these and they these articles and they sum up what is wrong, IMO, in taking a lifestyle pill such as this.

  24. capturedshadow says:

    Anal Leakage would be a good name for a punk band. Might be confused with the venerable “Anal Solvent” though.

  25. Unamerican says:

    GSK is actually one of the least evil drug companies. Their chaitable giving accounts for over a third of all corporate charity in the UK, and just over 1% of total charitable giving in the UK.

    And I’d definitely rather keep my spare tire than ever wear black jeans ever again.

  26. hop says:

    oh god, i can’t stop laughing……………

  27. GenXCub says:

    @cgmaetc: A Laxative only eliminates waste after your body has processed it, it doesn’t actually make you digest less of your food (which is what Alli, and a lot of anti-cholestorol drugs, are doing).

    The reason I think this will probably work nicely is the same reason why weight watchers is successful.

    Weight Watchers doesn’t work because they give you some magic formula you can figure out on your own. It works because it guilts your ass into eating less because you have to get up on the scale in front of everyone (though your weight is never divulged during this time).

    Now you’ll eat healthy so you don’t “touch cloth” every time you pass gas.

  28. IC18 says:

    Its bad enough I cant find an open stall at work during lunch, now I wouldnt be able to find one all day long. I think its time they invented the man-diapers.

  29. atlast says:

    Maybe what GSK is doing is really a favor by using Alli you are being held accountable for your bad food choices. It is similar to the club it acts as a deterent.