Walmart Investigates Nuns As A Potential Threat

A group of Benedictine nuns in Texas are shocked that Walmart considers them a threat and ordered a “threat assessment” from their crack security team. The nuns had filed a shareholder resolution that was critical to Walmart. “The Benedictine Sisters of Boerne, Texas have written a letter to Lee Scott, Wal-Mart’s chief executive, to say they were “deeply disappointed, appalled and shocked.”

The memo revealing the nuns were under investigation by Walmart was leaked to the WSJ by Bruce Gabbard, a former employee of Wal-Mart’s security department. —MEGHANN MARCO

Nuns shocked at being on Wal-Mart’s list of threats [Financial Times of Deutschland]
(Photo:lilivc)

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  1. mikyrok says:

    Walmart.. treading on grounds the RIAA won’t even go.

  2. B says:

    Are these flying nuns or the regular kind? Because flying nuns are a threat to all things American and low, low prices.

  3. I’ll admit it, I’m a little afraid of nuns too.

  4. bradgsanford says:

    Hey! Cut the RIAA some slack. They’re working on it. Those nuns will get what’s coming to them.

  5. ElizabethD says:

    Nuns FTW.

  6. hop says:

    i used to consider the nuns a threat…i went to catholic grade school in the 40’s and our school colors were black and blue……i didn’t think there were too many of the nuns still around…..

  7. mopar_man says:

    Wal-Mart thinks that nuns are a threat? That just goes to prove that company is full of retards.

  8. I sense a new slogan for the Arkansas retail giant:

    Walt Mart: A’int had nun, don’t want nun.

  9. Hawkins says:

    Anybody who’s seen the Blues Brothers movie knows not to trifle with nuns.

  10. timmus says:

    How weird… two weeks ago there was a funeral for my uncle at Lackland AFB TX. All the civilian guests made it through the visitor center fine except for the Teresian nuns, who were detained for some assinine reason. The chaplain had to drive out there and escort them himself.

    Maybe (1) there are terror alerts out on nuns and (2) Wal-Mart is getting the same “intelligence briefs” as the OSI/FBI, what with the line between corporations and goverment being so hazy.

  11. oldhat says:

    Dude, never underestimate the dangers of Nunnery.

    We don’t know what they have under those robes, and frankly, I don’t think we want to know.


    Seriously, how would you feel if the Nuns came after YOUR daughter? Would you encourage her? Be proud? Tell her little sister you hope she does the same?

  12. Trai_Dep says:

    So if I’m an eighteen-year-old in a Hot Nun outfit, I’d only get spanked?

  13. pestie says:

    Nuns are terrifying anachronisms. I’d consider them a threat, too.

  14. RulesLawyer says:

    Google for “benedictine nuns shareholder”. You’ll see that they’re activist shareholders (usually a good thing for consumers) in companies like WalMart, Coke, GM, Ford, TXU, Southern Company, and several others.

    I’ve enjoyed going to my company’s annual shareholder meetings to see what the nuns are suggesting we do this year.

  15. MentalDisconnect says:

    It’s almost like Walmart is trying to be some big evil bastard corporation… What’s next? Requesting gynecological records of their female employees? Stocking not just a Nazi shirt, but a whole Nazi uniform? Making a minister’s wife cry? They’re already killing the puppies and kittens with tainted pet food…

  16. a_m_m_b says:

    So are all activist shareholder(groups) on the threat list or what?

  17. Mojosan says:

    You want shit to run right? Put a nun in charge.

    Nobody, absolutely nobody, steps out of line with a nun.

  18. superbmtsub says:

    The sinful WalMart execs dont wanna get spanked by nuns.

  19. etinterrapax says:

    @oldhat: I know what’s under the robes. I was a nurse once, and I worked in a convent nursing home where, obviously, all of my patients were nuns. They put on their underwear one leg at a time, just like everyone else. Working there was actually quite refreshing. I went to Catholic schools all along, and the nuns were always these figures of mystery and occasionally, terror. But when I was an adult, in what was effectively their home, they were just a community of women, and they were surprisingly like any community of women. Not all good or all bad, with gossip and social strata and cliques. By and large, they were good women. It’s been over ten years since I worked there, and I still miss many of them.

    Needless to say, the idea of them being victimized by Wal-Mart’s self-important espionage tactics ticks me off. As if they don’t have enough to worry about with the drastic decline in vocations and church attendance, and the beating the Church has taken over the Boston scandals.

  20. strathmeyer says:

    What’s up with the Consumerist’s new pro-nun agenda?

  21. ngwoo says:

    @Mojosan: Is that so? I make a point to act obnoxious when I see nuns nearby. Especially asking questions like “What is this bible thing?” loudly.

  22. Buran says:

    Get thee to a nunnery now.

  23. Beau Nerd says:

    The investigation could yield some interesting results, you know. We could finally find out just how to solve a problem like Maria.

  24. superlayne says:

    Wal*Mart doesn’t sell habits for a reason, now.

  25. asherchang says:

    So many potential jokes… and yet… i feel so lazy.