Introducing The Consumerist Mutual Fund

The Consumerist once promised to help fix capitalism. Today, we will realize that dream. We regularly stress the importance of saving for retirement. 401ks, Roth IRAs, they are good, but uncertain. They caution, “past performance does not guarantee future gains.”

We invest with confidence. You should, too. That is why The Consumerist is proud to present for your consideration, The Consumerist Mutual Fund.

From the fund’s prospectus:

Primary Investment Strategy
The Fund invests 100% of its assets in the stocks of companies covered by The Consumerist. These companies include, among others, telecommunication conglomerates, members of recording associations, and ginormous retailers. The Fund shall purchase shares in these companies only after The Consumerist publishes posts that have a materially adverse affect on their share value. Those companies expected to receive adverse attention, if already represented in the fund, shall have their shares sold short.

The Consumerist Mutual Fund. Fixing capitalism since 2007.

Comments

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  1. MissPinkKate says:

    Dammit!!! Third time today I’ve been had!!!!

  2. nweaver says:

    Well, once the consumerist actually starts having an ipmact, this seems like a good strategy to me. :)

  3. eldergias says:

    Yeah, I fell for this too at first. I was like, “Oh my god, I work for a trading firm and have to tell them RIGHT NOW that the SEC will have it’s way with consumerist.com for this if they don’t stop immediately.” Should have remembered April 1st.

  4. Sharad says:

    I second eldergias.

  5. Morton Fox says:

    Well, if Jim Cramer can do it, so can the Consumerist!

  6. Maulleigh says:

    I swear to God I’d buy in!

  7. shoegazer says:

    I’m in. Bring on the Totemkopf T-shirts!

  8. Hawkins says:

    I am sooooooo gullible. I bought this completely, and was composing a shrieking comment about the SEC, and how maybe this was so egregious that perhaps they might put the editors of Consumerist in a real prison, instead of Federal country-club jail…

    Thank God I’m slow.

  9. orielbean says:

    mmmmmm…short selling suckers

  10. Mr. Gunn says:

    Heh…just because they can’t do it doesn’t mean we can’t. I’m emailing this to myself and requesting a Google Paper archive!

  11. minneapolisite says:

    If this was real, I’d blindly trust consumerist with my financial life. :)

  12. rekoil says:

    Good joke – if you wanted to do this for real you wouldn’t be buying the stocks, you’d be shorting them.

  13. wesrubix says:

    very cute

  14. du2vye says:

    Was this just an another idea too good to be true or has the time come for Consumerist’s to “put their money where their mouth is”? I think this would be a great p.r. tool.

    A “Selling Suckers Short Fund” would’ve been worthwhile for me just for the sheer pleasure to see if the market could be messed up a bit for these companies. After all, their first obligation is to their shareholders and not their consumers, right? It’s a fun idea.

  15. Traveshamockery says:

    That’s a hilarious concept. Jim Kramer could probably do the same thing.