Consumerist Invites You To Join Whistleblowers Anonymous

We know many of our readers work at the companies that we write about, and we’ve started a program specifically for you. It’s called Whistleblowers Anonymous and it can help you overcome your addiction to corporate douchebagism. Through Whistleblowers Anonymous you can help your customers, your fellow humans, and yourself.

Read the 12 steps inside.

These are the 12 Steps of Whistleblowers Anonymous. They are adapted from the original 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

1. We admitted we were powerless over our need to inform the public about the ways our company was failing them and –that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves, also known as the Internet, could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our information over to the care of the Internet as we understood it.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, our industry and our company.
5. Admitted to the Internet, to ourselves, and to The Consumerist the exact nature of our wrongs, the wrongs of our industry, and our company.
6. Were entirely ready to have the Internet remove all these defects of character, or at least point them out over and over again.
7. Humbly asked the Internet to remove our shortcomings, through whatever means necessary.
8. Made a list of all persons our company has harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through reforms in our policies to improve our conscious contact with consumers and the Internet as we understood them,
12. Having had a spiritual awakening, and possibly seen the benefits treating consumers with respect as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other companies, and other industries, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Once you reach Step 5, write to us at tips [at] consumerist [dot] com. You’ll be glad you did.

REMEMBER: The Consumerist would like helpful information. For examples of good “Confessions” read this series:

8 Confessions Of A Former Verizon Sales Rep
7 Confessions of a Cingular Sales Rep
6 Confessions Of A Former Sprint Sales Rep
11 Confessions of a T-Mobile Sales Rep
8 Confessions of An Alltel Sales Rep

Comments

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  1. bluebuilder says:

    So what happens when the consumerist gets ordered by some court to reveal it’s sources for some of this? Are the editors willing to go to jail to protect their sources?

    Has happened before.

  2. brooklynbs says:

    You have to be very careful about soliciting information that may be considered trade secrets, covered by a non-disclosure agreement, etc. See Apple’s tortious interference lawsuit against “Nick DePlume”.

  3. Bob says:

    How about government employees? (wink,wink)

  4. dohtem says:

    So what happens when the consumerist gets ordered by some court to reveal it’s sources for some of this? Are the editors willing to go to jail to protect their sources?

    Very valid question. Ben and Co., please respond.

  5. NeoteriX says:

    I had the same thought. Consumerist better have the legal preparation and groundwork done before it engages in something like this.

  6. MaliBoo Radley says:

    So you can’t go and post whistleblower stories and say “we’ll proably get in some legal shit about this so save this story now!”

  7. Trai_Dep says:

    Perhaps part of the sign-on package would be a protocol to maximize anonymnity? Xor, throw-away email accounts, not emailing from work, etc.?

  8. cindel says:

    It’s not soliciting; it’s just a suggestion.

  9. bluebuilder says:

    A balance has to be made between anonymity and credibility. Otherwise anybody could say anything and you wouldn’t have any idea if it was legit.

    Which is why we need an editorial staff that would be willing to go to bat to protect their sources.

  10. ZonzoMaster says:

    I want to see those companies in a legal battle with consumerist.com, i doubt they would dare, there’s plenty readers on this site, and this site has connections to other sites, it could severely damage the corporations image, specially if it’s from some leaked BAD or TRICKY info about the company.

  11. @bluebuilder: “Are the editors willing to go to jail to protect their sources?”

    Probably, because as a journalist once you go to jail for protecting a source, you can get any job in media you want. It’s both a badge of honor and a major resume booster.

  12. Ben Popken says:

    @bluebuilder: Yes, we’re willing to do whatever it takes to protect our sources.

  13. Helvetian says:

    I never know going to jail had its perks. Could you offer more insight or post a link about this? I am very curious.

  14. Papa K says:

    I hear the showers in jail are very thorough.

    Wait, perks? I thought you said pervs…

  15. Americana says:

    Internet – serious business.

  16. Theseus says:

    Whether prison has perks or not depends on what you’re into?

    Ever see one of the shower scenes on “Oz”?

    Count me in!

  17. Helvetian says:

    The perks I was referring to are:

    “Probably, because as a journalist once you go to jail for protecting a source, you can get any job in media you want. It’s both a badge of honor and a major resume booster.”

    Nothing else. lol

  18. Calliope says:

    Oh I don’t know, very few of the things I’ve read in any of the “Confessions” would be considered proprietary. Most of this information can be found on the companies’ websites or if you ask a well-trained rep (although getting to a truly well-trained rep may be easier said than done). I’ve never seen anything on here from people from my company that was anything I couldn’t tell a customer on a call.

  19. TBT says:

    I wish I could join…but I have already made the mistake of reading Consumerist from my work computer, so it would be really obvious it was me and I’d get fired :( But my company does so many shitty things to our customers.