Junk Food Nail Artist Revealed

Exactly on year ago today, former Consumerist writer John Brownlee mocked these painted nails with words like:

“….It probably cost more than the sum total of those snack products to actually get that done. Also, we are entertained that in the vast array of soda pop brands, she had to get both Diet and regular Dr. Pepper.”

On November 9th of this year, the owner and painter of the nails, Janet Martin, contacted us:

    “Hey idiots, just so you know…not only am I a National Award Winning Nail Artist, those are also MY fingernails which I HANDPAINTED myself….IT IS CALLED ART!! Some are less advantaged to recognize TALENT…normally those who are NOT TALENTED THEMSELVES. Just so you know what HANDPAINTED is …HANDPAINTED means..no airbrushing!!…everything painted with a brush….AND IT DIDN’T COST ME ANYTHING!! Feel free to email me with any other comments

    - PISSED NAIL ARTIST”

We replied to Janet…


    “Thanks for visiting our humble blog. I guess the first questions is.. what’s the backstory? Why did you paint your nails in this way? It certainly must have taken a lot of time to get all the detail. Not only that, but to do both of your own nails. I can’t even tie my shoelace with my left hand! “

Janet replied:

    “I’ve been doing nails since i was in 7th grade….I’m 27 now….I specialize in handpainted nail art ( I am also a contracted artist painting murals, as well as slate, landscapes, etc…)

    My clients come to me with some VERY weird requests for me to paint on their nails….In the beauty industry this is not uncommon at all…I normally do my nails with something “off the wall”, and one day i decided to do “pop” nails, everyone thought they were stickers of course, and they got national attention….after running out of ideas on cartoons and such, i decided to just do everyday items….thats where the “snack” and “pop” nails came in, i have also done candy bar nails and bubblegum nails….for a girl working at McDonalds, i did McDonalds nails on her…

    i have attached some of my other nail art so you could get an idea of all of this…..also here is a site where some of my nail art is featured..(i didn’t have many on my computer, but they are on this site).

    I can’t even write my name with my left hand, but I can design my nails, it’s weird, but true….It takes a WHILE to do my own nails because of it though”

http://consumermediallc.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/simpsonsnails-thumb.jpg?w=522&h=179

FallNails.jpg

http://consumermediallc.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/rogerrabbitnails-thumb.jpg?w=522&h=145

Thanks for clearing up the mystery, Janet. Hope you didn’t break an exquisitely hand brushed nail when you were pounding in that first rebuttal!

— BEN POPKEN

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. adamondi says:

    Just a bit of an overreaction with her first reply. The contrast between her first reply and her second is pretty funny. She goes from trying to cuss you out to trying to pimp her nail art. Funny stuff.

  2. bluegus32 says:

    That is truly impressive. However, nails that long, no matter how well painted, just give me the heebie jeebies.

  3. That’s actually very cool…has Janet ever thought about doing some ukiyo-e? That would be a nice match I think.

  4. acambras says:

    When I was little, my mom wouldn’t let me paint my nails because she thought fingernail polish on little girls was “tacky.”

    She’d go apeshit over this.

  5. homerjay says:

    It would appear to me that those are acrylics- though I’m a dude, so what do I know. Being acrylics, though would lead me to believe they’d be easier to paint BEFORE you put them on your fingers.

    Still, Janet is incredibly talented, like the kind of person that can paint the Mona Lisa on the head of a pin. I just wouldn’t want to be the guy at AOL that won’t cancel her account.

  6. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    Wow, that’s pretty impressive. And so The Consumerist nails another neat story!

  7. major disaster says:

    Yeah, while the talent is impressive, I can’t imagine ever wanting to put anything like that on my fingers. And just the thought of trying to type with nails that long is making my fingers hurt.

  8. He says:

    The funniest part is that there are only nine fingers in one of those photos.

    I wonder if she could pull a Michaelangelo and make it look like the nails curve the wrong way.

  9. pestie says:

    I work with a woman whose nails are at least twice that long. Seriously. And she types with them, too. I have no idea how.

  10. RandomHookup says:

    Yep, those nails are “art” the same way my beer can collection is.

    Oh, yeah…hey BIATCH, welcome to the INTERNETS!!!! Please don’t SCRATCH the tubes.

  11. The Unicorn says:

    Dude, if I was talented enough to render exact replicas of famous logos on my nails, & then stumbled across a random webpage where my talents were being mocked and misinterpreted, it might lead me to beef up on the caps lock as well.

  12. Keter says:

    Uh, tackiness aside, isn’t she practicing copyright infringement?

  13. Dustbunny says:

    There are national awards for nail artists?? Who gnu.

    Those looong claws give me the heebie jeebies too. I always wonder how somebody takes care of umm…personal hygiene with nails that long. On second thought, I probably don’t even want to know.

  14. josh1701 says:

    Uh, tackiness aside, isn’t she practicing copyright infringement?

    Didn’t stop Andy Warhol from painting the Campbell’s Soup Cans.

  15. infinitysnake says:

    “isn’t she practicing copyright infringement?”

    Doubt it, unless she’s competing with actual Doritos nails…brand art hasgenerally been found protected…

  16. velocipenguin says:

    I wonder how many ellipses she’d be able to paint on her own nails.

  17. Chairman-Meow says:

    Im yur nailz
    sellin yur warez

  18. Chairman-Meow says:

    Im yur nailz
    sellin yur warez

  19. I know someone who would love the Pooh Bear finger nails. The level of detail is impressive.

  20. madderhatter says:

    Mmmm … Snickers flavored fingernails.

  21. Tom says:

    Heh. WRT the original post: If there’s anything more entertaining than snark, it’s snark that gets slapped down. I mean, a painting of a commercial product that costs more than the original product? Hey, Brownlee, look up “Andy Warhol” on the Wikipedia sometime, it’ll knock ya on yer ass.

    It’s a pity that it’s unacceptable for men to have long-ass nails in our culture. Having a set of original-series Star Trek press-on nails for conventions would rock so hard.

  22. Sheik says:

    Kitchy. The thing about Warhol was the timing. No one had done that before and it was based on mass produced items and ubiquitous pop icons, i.e. Elvis , Jackie O, and Marilyn. And to be fair, I don’t think Warhol painted those cans by hand, I’m guessing that they were screen printed onto canvas and then painted, like a coloring book. Now to say that these aren’t art is a little disrespectful. I can’t paint like that so some appreciation must be shown, but any comparison to high or purposed art is also disrespectful to actual artists.

    Any really what about hygiene? There are certain everyday actions I think would become near impossible.

  23. Sheik says:

    Comments ate my first post. Which was:

    Kitschy. The thing about Warhol was the timing. No one had done what he was doing before him. His subjects were all mass produced items and ubiquitous pop icons, i.e. Elvis, Jackie O., Marilyn. But I don’t think he actually painted them, I believe that they were screen printed onto canvas and then painted like coloring books, or maybe the whole thing was screen printed. In a way he used the techniques of mass production, there was a statement made. Its not the same in this case. This is art, and talent (I can’t paint these), but its not art in the way Warhol is art.

  24. Actually some men do have long nails. Once in a while my husband will allow a nail to grow long to use as a guitar pick for his bass guitar because it’s easier than losing guitar picks all the time. I usually think it’s annoying personally, because he enjoys scratching me with it for the heck of it. (He knows it annoys me. LOL) You may find a lot of musicians, mainly guitar players have long nails. It’s easier to pick chords with. Some musicians will even paint them to complete the “image”, according to my husband. Thank God he’s not one of them. I’d hate to add another reason to my “Why I Should Divorce Him” list. LOL In all seriousness, it’s not all that bad. Checking out the nails on this artists’ website, she’s quite talented. Amazing job.

  25. Solo says:

    Personally, I counted 8 fingers in each pictures…

    Also, I fond her this lady, who probably has more than the usual finger nail real estate:

    http://www.neatorama.com/2006/08/24/worlds-longest-fingern

  26. DTWD says:

    I’ve had nails a bit longer than that; I never painted them though. When I’d cut my nails down it actually hurt to type with short nails. Never had any hygiene problems.

  27. E-Bell says:

    Having a set of original-series Star Trek press-on nails for conventions would rock so hard.

    Tom, you must be using a definition of the word “rock” that I am unfamiliar with.

  28. VA_White says:

    Those look nasty. I know they are popular with some ladies but mostly I just think of all the bacteria lurking underneath each one.