Top Posts Of 2006

According to Google Analytics, here are our most trafficked stories of the year. Cheers to you for sending in the tips and comments that shaped and drove The Consumerist’s content.

10. No iPod, Soap! We’ve all heard of iPod’s vaunted “clean design,” but this is ridiculous….

9. Transcript: Verizon Doesn’t Know How To Count. Transcript of the call between a Verizon cellphone customer and various Verizon reps who can’t tell the difference between dollars and cents. Epic.

8. AOL User 927 Illuminated. Queries include: beauty and the beast disney porn, holocaust rape, japanese child slave, molestation and rape porn, virtual children, 3d molestation and rape porn, topped off with a little, “oh i like that baby. i put on my robe and wizards hat.”

7. Cingular’s One-Way Contract. Beckie wasn’t thrilled at the idea of buying three new phones just to help a corporation save some money, so she called the 1-800 number and said, “No.” They shut off her phones anyway.

6. AOL Retention Manual Uploaded in Full. Thank you, disaffected former AOL retainer.

5. Apple Sells “Refreshed” Laptop Filled With Porn To 11 Year Old Girl. An Apple customer was shocked, shocked, when he bought a Macbook from the London Apple Store for his 11-year old daughter, and the desktop was full of pornographic JPGs.

4. The Oozinator Delights Children. Hasbro Marketing Executive, a glowing light bulb bouncing merrily above his skull: “I’ve got it! First, we’ll design our new Supersoaker water gun with the shape and hue of a grotesque alien phallus.

3. The Broken Laptop I Sold on Ebay. After selling a broken laptop on Ebay and waiting two months before shipping it, the buyer was pleasantly surprised to find Amir didn’t wipe the hard drive.

2. The Best Thing We Have Ever Posted: Reader Tries To Cancel AOL. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT.

1. AOL Retention Manual Revealed. A plain manila envelope arrived on our desk this week. Inside was the eighty-one paged “Enhanced Sales Training for AOL Retention Consultants” manual. Upon opening, the flowchart, “Guide to a World-Class Retention Call,” fell out.

— BEN POPKEN

Comments

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  1. Xkeeper says:

    What I learned from the Consumerist:

    – AOL still sucks.
    – Never trust car mechanics.
    – Everybody is out for your monies and will do whatever it takes to get it.
    – Someone doesn’t know how to spell headlines

    And onward we go to 2007.

  2. Xkeeper says:

    Oh, and that even on pages that declare how much AOL sucks, they’re still dumb enough to put a BIG HONKING AD at the top telling you to download their latest crapware.

    God I love the internet.

  3. scoobydoo says:

    So… All those Walmart Nazi stories didn’t help much… :)

  4. Deryn says:

    As the first “Wal*Mart Nazi” story was posted on 10 Nov, and you see a big ol’ jump in hits from October to November, I think I’m gonna have to disagree with you there, Scoob.

  5. Deryn says:

    Unless you were being sarcastic and that’s what you meant. Whoosh! [hand over head]

  6. I was hoping the “screwing with tele-marketers” post made it.

    Darn.

  7. AcilletaM says:

    If this is according to Google Analytics, why is the graphic from sitemeter?

  8. Demingite says:

    Consumerist truly did the world a big favor by publicizing AOL’s vile, criminal culture and practices. Thank you.

    I hope you’ll tackle grocery store club cards next.

  9. Xkeeper says:

    Sitemeter only tracks total (all pages), GA tracks individual pages.

    That’s my guess.

  10. AcilletaM says:

    Actually, sitemeter does track individual pages but only for a small number.

    I’m just teasing a little.

  11. Werner says:

    I just “tripped” over this site so excuse me for changing the subject for a moment. Has anyone had any bad experience with Sitemeter? Seems that once you start paying them through monthly bank withdraws they are impossible to get rid of. No cancellation procedures and some users have sent dozens of emails with no results.