According to Google Analytics, here are our most trafficked stories of the year. Cheers to you for sending in the tips and comments that shaped and drove The Consumerist’s content.
10. No iPod, Soap! We’ve all heard of iPod’s vaunted “clean design,” but this is ridiculous….
9. Transcript: Verizon Doesn’t Know How To Count. Transcript of the call between a Verizon cellphone customer and various Verizon reps who can’t tell the difference between dollars and cents. Epic.
8. AOL User 927 Illuminated. Queries include: beauty and the beast disney porn, holocaust rape, japanese child slave, molestation and rape porn, virtual children, 3d molestation and rape porn, topped off with a little, “oh i like that baby. i put on my robe and wizards hat.”
7. Cingular’s One-Way Contract. Beckie wasn’t thrilled at the idea of buying three new phones just to help a corporation save some money, so she called the 1-800 number and said, “No.” They shut off her phones anyway.
6. AOL Retention Manual Uploaded in Full. Thank you, disaffected former AOL retainer.
5. Apple Sells “Refreshed” Laptop Filled With Porn To 11 Year Old Girl. An Apple customer was shocked, shocked, when he bought a Macbook from the London Apple Store for his 11-year old daughter, and the desktop was full of pornographic JPGs.
4. The Oozinator Delights Children. Hasbro Marketing Executive, a glowing light bulb bouncing merrily above his skull: “I’ve got it! First, we’ll design our new Supersoaker water gun with the shape and hue of a grotesque alien phallus.
3. The Broken Laptop I Sold on Ebay. After selling a broken laptop on Ebay and waiting two months before shipping it, the buyer was pleasantly surprised to find Amir didn’t wipe the hard drive.
2. The Best Thing We Have Ever Posted: Reader Tries To Cancel AOL. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT. CANCEL THE ACCOUNT.
1. AOL Retention Manual Revealed. A plain manila envelope arrived on our desk this week. Inside was the eighty-one paged “Enhanced Sales Training for AOL Retention Consultants” manual. Upon opening, the flowchart, “Guide to a World-Class Retention Call,” fell out.
— BEN POPKEN