DirecTV Titanium, TV For The Elite

You can have every single DirecTV channel and subscription, including all the porn, and 24/7 at-your-door customer service, if you sign up for DirecTV Titanium *.

It only costs $7500.

For that price, we better be able to summon the pornstars to perform Harry Twatter live in our living room.

(Thanks to Jeff!)

* We know, the service was launched in June, but this is the first we’ve heard of it, and it’s still wacky.

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  1. viriiman says:

    The only place I can think of this being useful is possibly in a sports bar w/ HD TV’s. Either that, or maybe a small apartment building.

    But for an average family? HA.

    Although, if they came out to my house to preform Harry Twatter, and I could pause/rewind/fast-foward the live action, then it would be worth it.

  2. Magister says:

    I remember seeing a Hacked Sat TV box at a Chinese Restaurant in Seattle in the Spring. He said he paid $650 for it. It had EVERY Channel, and all the PPV were showing purchased. Pretty cool.

  3. Membership is reserved for a select few.

    To find out if you qualify, please contact a TITANIUM representative who will provide you with the utmost in personal service at…

    Wait…the yearly fee is $7500…that’s $625/month…so doesn’t anyone who can pay that amount qualify? Or are we discriminating based upon other factors? Perhaps, race, background or sexual preference?

    Also, for $625/month, they better block all the spanish channels for me..

  4. Mike_ says:

    A fool and his money are soon parted.

  5. bluegus32 says:

    Magister: a hacked sat is not hacked for long. From what I hear, DirecTV has some pretty nasty abilities to destroy things like that. They’ve coordinated attacks against hackers in the past by sending a signal from their satellites which absolutely fried all hacked systems. Thousands of dollars of hacking equipment gone in the blink of an eye. See this article for info on that: http://www.securityfocus.com/news/143

    Obviously that article is five years old now and the battle between hackers and DirecTV rages on. However, in the end, hacking really isn’t cost-effective. The counter measures that are constantly put in play make casual hacking impossible. Only true dedicated hackers, who are in it for the thrill, challenge, and excitement of hacking will do it.

    That Chinese restaurant that paid $625 for a hacked system is going to have an electronic brick very shortly.

  6. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    For that price, I want live actors performing..or at least a butler to serve me hot tea while I’m watching the telly.

    Hacked satellite receivers are a thing of the past. In the old days, one could modify the “smart cards” with a card programmer and some hacked firmware you got under the oak tree at midnight from a guy named “Vinnie.” The hacked firmware would put the unit into “test mode” that enabled every channel. Every so often, DirecTV or Dish would send out a digital countermeasures signal that would target the code written into hacked cards.

    The illicit cards didn’t burst into flames..the receiver code was merely invalidated and the bootleg receiver stop working until you paid Vinnie for some new hacked firmware and spent hours reprogramming the card. However, the EEPROMs in modern receivers are soldered in place and are no longer accessible to anyone except criminal masterminds and the truly desperate. Even if it were still possible, most of the shows on TV are crap anyway..so why bother?

    Who would pay $7500 a year for TV? Probably the same kind of people that pay $350,000 for a sports car, wear $5000 suits and drink $10 a quart bottled water. Somewhere, there’s somebody jumping all over that, but not in my neighborhood!

  7. jacques says:

    They went after my boss for stealing DTV. Cost him $2000 for a settlement after the cost of the equipment. Haw Haw

  8. timmus says:

    crayonshinobi took the words right out of my mouth.

    And what’s the deal with this starting in June 2006? I’m seriously supposed to believe that DirecTV had no “premium” deals going on for customers like John Travolta, the White House, Michael Eisner, whatever? I know that if I was a DirecTV shareholder, I’d be pissed to find out that DirecTV was sitting on their ass for 10 years and not milking these people.

  9. Karl says:

    Of course, as the web site mentions in a small, faded font, it’s not quite everything. Sporting events are still subject to the usual blackout restrictions. Lame!

  10. FLConsumer says:

    I don’t know if a similar thing exists for DirecTV, but I have seen people hacking Free-to-Air DVB receivers to make them decrypt & play the DishNetwork stuff, along with all of the FTA stuff as well. I believe such receivers don’t even have access cards and the hacks are done via firmware hacks. I’d imagine such a setup would be invulnerable to the traditional anti-piracy techniques used by DTV/Dish since these receivers don’t look for authorization info from the providers.

  11. FLConsumer says:

    As far as those pesky blackout restrictions, there’s always P2P TV. It’s not high-def by any means, BUT, it beats the annoying “Not available in your area” message.

    http://www.myp2p.eu/

  12. it’s the magazine subscription that put it over the top and makes it a real deal for your entertainment dollars. really, who would care about a $7500/year programing package if it didn’t give you something to read while on the pot?

    i want to hear the recorded concierge call with the customer complaining about the spice channel not being in 1080p.

  13. Jaesin says:

    The only reason they released it was so they had a total monetary value for the entire line of services.

    With this, it’s much easier to bring lawsuits against piraters, a previous poster mentioned that it cost him a 2 grand settlement? Now they can go for 7.5 grand.