Walmart Predicts Flat Sales In November

Walmart dampened our holiday spirit today with a forecast of flat sales throughout November at stores open longer than one year. What’s the problem?

“The company faced tough comparisons with a year ago, when many customers restocked their homes after the devastating hurricane season.”

Oh, sorry Walmart, is climate change not affecting you quickly enough? What else could it be?

“The unfolding slowdown in economic growth fueled by a declining housing market . . . may finally be inflicting pain on the American consumer.”

Shit. We guess you people better start reading Curbed or Santa isn’t coming this year.