Walmart: Her Name is Nancy, and We’re Gonna Keep Her.

Walmart announced today they’ve created a composite of the perfect Walmart customer. The ideal Walmart customer is, “a woman in her early 40s, lives in the suburbs and has “several” children. “We call her Nancy,” Walmart said.

Awwwww.

Don’t hold out on us, Walmart, release the composite sketches.

Comments

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  1. adamondi says:

    Well, they have a terrible shock coming to them. Their “perfect” customer is absolutely nothing like the “typical” Wal-Mart customers that have driven me to search out all possible alternatives to shopping at Wal-Mart. Why must reality always destroy the idealized vision of perfection for poor widdle Wal-Mart?

  2. Nancy Sin says:


    Nancy enjoys Tweety Bird sportswear and smoking in her 1993 Caravan with the windows up, whether her “several” kids are in tow or not.

  3. Spiny Norman says:

    Now, for the typical Walmart customer, she’s 40-ish, lives in a double-wide, and smokes Camels by the carton. We’ll call her Belle and I’ll put down money that Belle kicks Nancy’s rear end in the parking lot every day of the week and twice on Sunday. There’s a reason some of us eschew Walmart for Target.

  4. jthree says:

    Wow, apparently just the word Wal-Mart an in otherwise uninteresting and non-topical article is enough to set you guys off! We get it. You have a problem with Wal-Mart that stems more from socio-economic issues with the customers than consumer issues. Go ahead and deny it, but since your insults always focus on that issue I think we’re seeing where you’re really coming from. Making fun of poor, backwards hicks makes you feel superior about your more enlightened, intellectual, and middle class lifestyle.

  5. spin_sycle says:

    wow….bitter much?

  6. moejuda says:

    While I can’t argue about the degree of snobbery involved in many criticisms of Walmart here, you have to admit this is pretty creepy. Why do you need a composite of the perfect customer? Are there plans to begin breeding them?

    Wierd.

  7. moejuda says:

    Or “weird”, depending on how well your local public school system was able to clear up the whole “I before E” mystery in grade-school…

  8. jthree says:

    I assume every company probably makes composites of their best customer – and to be fair the original article says “best” customer” not “perfect”. That way they can better market to them. The only really odd thing is giving the composite a name. Odd enough to create a story here? Not really.

  9. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    I see “Nancy” sitting in a rusty Trans-Am looking for her smokes, waiting for one of her brood to bring her a motorized cart while she chugs down her last Budweiser.

  10. etinterrapax says:

    Best Buy did sort of the same thing with its “Jill” thing last year–that characterization was fairly insulting to the intelligence of women, as I recall–but whatever. And I wouldn’t characterize it as socioeconomic snobbery so much as snobbery concerning the behavior of some of Wal-Mart’s typical patrons. Rich or poor, acting like an asshole is always contemptible.

  11. Triteon says:

    Hey now, play nice. And try not to lump Wal-Mart customers in with the rest of us Camel-smoking, Bud-swilling folk!:P

  12. AcidReign says:

    …..I’m wondering if “Nancy” is one of the Wally hoes who works out of the three or four big reefer trailers parked outside the store 24-7. Punch up:

    Lakeshore Parkway Homewood AL 35209

    into your Google Earth and check out the north east end of the parking lot.

  13. Mary Marsala with Fries says:

    Hmm, for such a big and rabidly growth-oriented company, they missed a crucial trait that “Nancy” must have. She must get her news solely from network television, and have no civic morals.

    Cause, like, duh, any mom who actually knew what was going on would walk into a Wal-Mart only to slap somebody in charge. (Mom power!)

  14. Pelagius says:

    The “tweety bird” comment was spot on.

    Man, I can’t stand all these poor people either. They’re always getting in my way when I go to Target to buy cheap shit.

  15. Nancy Sin says:

    Those damned paupers. Lord knows I’m judging them solely for their socioeconomic status and not for their ignorance and disregard for their children’s health. And it has nothing to do with Wal-Mart – people can make their own decisions! Most starving folks know better than to grab a 33¢ box of Mac n Cheese over a wholesome $4 brick of tempeh! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to light a clove cigarette with a flaming Benjamin.

  16. Ha! Didn’t we just talk about cloves a few weeks back in the anti-smoking post?

  17. Sam Glover says:

    I dunno about where you guys shop, but in my town, all the Wal-Mart shoppers are slim, beautiful, and perky mothers and wives of young suburban professions with a couple cute kids in tow. Not all of them are named Nancy, though.

  18. Samiamsam says:

    Wal-mart, Wal-mart,Wal-mart. Reasons not to like wal-mart. 1. in many small towns across America, where people are poor (and take care of their kids and family by the way) Wal-mart has destroyed the economy by becoming the only place to buy clothing, food, etc. at a price that the people who were shut out by Wal-mart can afford.
    2. It is one of the few stores that most people feel some sort of anxiety when going into. – which by the way is done on purpose.
    3. They are one of the biggest and first pushers of forcing companies to use labor outside of the united states in order to make products- which by the way is why a lot of small town America is getting even more poor, and why we have a trade deficit with china.

    I am sure there are more, but wal-mart tires me. I don’t shop there, I buy local.

    …and if you are going to hate them, have a real reason- there are tons out there.

  19. bosskev says:

  20. bosskev says:

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    Tᴇᴀᴍ Cᴀᴍᴘ Oᴜᴛ Mᴏᴛᴛᴏ

  21. bosskev says:

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  22. bosskev says:

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  23. bosskev says:

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  24. Angie Ordway says:

    Maybe someone at Corporate should inform the Walmart in Spokane, WA of this!
    My 48 year old friend was at a Spokane, WA Walmart Sunday. I ran into her at a check out line. She happened to have my daughter for a weekend sleep over. I stopped to say Hi. She walked over to me and let our 12 year old girls finish unloading the cart on to the check out belt. We chatted for 2 or 3 minutes and then I left to finish my shopping. When I stopped by her house to pick the girls up later she came out to the car and told me Walmart had detained her for shoplifting Three dollars worth of juice. She was devastated! The boy took her into a room and asked her if she had something she wanted to tell him. She was confused as to why she was even there for. After talking down to her for several minutes he explained they KNEW she had stole 2 bottles of juice. She explained she did pay for it and handed over her receipt. It wasn’t on the receipt. The juice did not make it out from under the cart. (A mistake EVERYONE has made) But thats not where it ends. He started to tell her he knew she stole it. She explained that she thought the girls got it on the belt.He said that it wasn’t the girls responsibility to put the juice there. She said she knows it wasn’t. And he said thats not a good excuse. He then told her he had caught her stealing Rubbermaid tubs at Christmas on a security tape. She told him she has never stolen anything and she would love to see that video. He made many other nasty remarks to her about how he know she did it and she needed to admit it to him. She was getting angry and told him she had never stolen a *&^% thing from anyone EVER. He yelled at her and said she didn’t have any right to talk to him like that and he was going to call the cops. She said whatever you need to do, do it, because I have two girls waiting for me. And he said you should be ashamed of yourself, you need to set an example for your daughters. A 48 year old women stealing juice, how pathetic. He never took her name, address or any information. He told her if she ever came back in the store again and pointed him out to anyone he would have her arrested for Trespassing. The security officer was “undercover” we guessed and thought she would “blow” his cover.
    This is a wonderful friend and mother. She lives in a gated community and owns her own business. She spent over eighty dollars there and even got cash back to grab a soda on the way out the door.
    I will NEVER shop at Walmart again. I have forgotten things under my cart before. The day I was there I had three tomato plants in my cart. I pulled one out and said I have three of these. I moved on to other items and at the end the checker found a little pot with a pepper plant among the big tomato plants and lifted it up and asked if I wanted that? Honest mistake! I am not taking a chance of being verbally attacked for a honest mistake. This young man needs to loose his job. If he believed she was a thief he needs to detain her and call the police. He had no right to say the things he did to her! Instead this psychopath played out a scene from NYPD Blues.