Things That Disquieted Us in Today’s Business News

RiteAid buys Brooks and Eckerd. Choose the path of light, be ye not like Walgreen’s.
• Ministry of Japan, which is not a band, orders Sony and Dell to investigate blazin’ batteries. Unverified sources claim the prime minister is curious as to whether batteries can fly single seater jets.
• Communist party branches open in Walmarts across China. Capitalism and Communism slated for giant fuckfest. 9 months later, they birth a baby. A baby named Apocalypse.
• Adventures in obvious headlines, “Wall Street escapes crime crackdown: Investment bankers largely avoid charges.”
• Ok, so maybe she’s a winsome pixie and the Orleagian snowballs are, “fluffy concoctions of ice, flavor and condensed milk so delicate they immediately begin to puddle in the heat,” and he’s a post-Katrina entrepreneurial success story… but how’s their customer service? Huh? HUH?
• McDonald’s number two man quits via flameout email screed. Grimace gets the nod.

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  1. Buzzy says:

    When I first saw that picture I figured it was going to be the next in what appears to be a series of NYT articles about child pornography or pedophilia. A headline like ‘Man with Multicolored Van Lures Children with Frozen Delights.’ Imagine my dismay…

  2. homerjay says:

    “Ministry of Japan, which is not a band…”

    I don’t know why but that REALLY REALLY made of laugh. You’re a hoot, Ben.

  3. Paul D says:

    That settles it. My band’s new name is Ministry of Japan.

    Wait ’til I tell the guys…

  4. Ben Popken says:

    I am here to serve and protect.

    Ministry of Japan… possible T-shirt slogan?

  5. AcilletaM says:

    or this:

    Ministry of Consumerism. Not a Band.

  6. kittikin says:

    We could sure use some good sno-cones here in Houston.

  7. Mr. Gunn says:

    Mmmmm…I just had me a snow cone from a formerly-underwater establishment in NOLA this past weekend. Tangerine with condensed milk, $0.80.

    Allllriiiight!!

  8. I can happily report that Orleagian Snowballs have AWESOME customer service. I stopped by during their first week of service, and the young lady behind the counter was pleasant as punch, explaining the intricacies of a New Orleans style snowball, then gave me some extra gummi bears in my snowball as an added thank you. I’m now a loyal fan. Welcome to Atlanta!

  9. I’m happy to report that the customer service at Orleagian Snowballs couldn’t be better. I stopped by during their first week of service, when the nice young lady behind the counter explained the finer points of New Orleans snowball goodness, then gave me some extra gummi bears as a bonus. I’m a happy regular now, and Atlanta is a better city because of the Orleagians.

  10. AcidReign says:

    …..I was in New Orleans back on Memorial Day weekend. The city’s vendors are damned glad to get business, and there’s never been a better time to go and shop. Wow. It’s a far cry from “buy sometink’ or get ot!” of past years!

  11. AcidReign says:

    …..I got my luggage “checked” by U.S. customs in Mobile this morning. They opened 2 of our seven bags, looked at the top, and did absolutely no rooting around and dumping. Those guys do just enough to say that they worked, and nothing else. I could have had a bale of Mexican weed in there, and they wouldn’t have found it!

  12. AcidReign says:

    …..Weird. That last post got bled over from the Penis Pump story somehow. My apologies!

  13. Yeah…sorry about my double post. The comments were being cranky and giving me an error. I love Snowballs double-hard, though.

  14. Morton Fox says:

    Okay, wonderful! Now we know that “Ministry of Japan” is not taken. Who’s going to be the first to start that band?