Consumerist Tshirt Contest: Deadline Friday!

Here’s some of your t-shirt slogans that particularly tickled our quixotic glands:

I Might be a Mystery Shopper.
• Your PR people can’t handle me.
• I’m disputing the charges, bitch!
• Seller Beware.
• Just blogging, thanks.

Email yours at tips@consumerist.com with subject line “tshirt” or put ‘em in the comments. Enter as many entrants as your little hearts desire.

The deadline is this Friday to get your Consumerist.com tshirt slogans in. We’ll vote on the best and the winner gets an Ooozinator plus other mystery prizes, along with their design plastered on the backs of consumers everywhere the shirt is bought.

ALL of the slogans submitted so far, after the jump, for jazzin’ and riffin’ and inspiration purposes.


We’ll be adding the emailed ones througout the day so check back often.

F: “I might be Vincent Ferrari” B: “Find out on Consumerist.com”
Don’t Get Fooled Again: Consumerist.com.
The customer is always right. Or else.
Consumerist: Do you feel lucky, punk?
Fuck yeah I want the receipt!
This conversation may be recorded… (front)… and posted on my blog. (back)
Why yes, our menu *has* recently changed. Consumerist.com
Tack on the last ‘-ist’ for savings. Consumerist.com
If you stay on the line, you’re just another fish. Consumerist.com
For our righteous wrath, oppress one. Consumerist.com
Knowing is so much more than half the battle. Consumerist.com
“No Return Policy Strictly Enforced”
“Ask Me About My No Return Policy”
“No Returns, No Exchanges?”
Consumerist: Level 3 shopping support
I would love to hear more about the extended warranty…
You work in this store, so yes, I AM BETTER THAN YOU
No you can’t have my zip code, just ring up the f-ing socks
Because I value your service, I have YOU to take a brief survey
“I’ve read your employee handbook”
Beware of the Sheep
Did someone say chargeback?
The customer WILL be satisfied!
Let me speak to your supervisor!
consumerist.com: we don’t have a supervisor.
“AOL violated my privacy” or the more generic “My privacy was violated by my ISP”
“More coverage of AOL than Valleywag”
“You don’t have to suffer alone”
“Approximately one million, seven hundred thousand customer service calls fielded per day. Most suck.”
“Stamping down hard on the spines of self-entitled”
I killed a hobo for this shirt
Your call may or may not be important to us. consumerist.com
“you need a pic of you and the quote “so?” from that nightline interview. that was the shit.. either that or the look you gave that mustache guy from the previous interview. “
“Take me to your manager [w/Marvin the Martian picture]“
“Little children in Asia made this shirt for sixty cents an hour.”
“Do not upsell this customer.”
“Your product and/or service sucks.”
‘Buy. Beware. Consume.’
‘Somtimes Gaytarded. Consumerist.com’
‘i don’t make a living wage either. ‘
‘to speak with a csr, lose temper and yell “fuck!” ‘
‘lay off, my job sucks too. ‘
‘i wanted a comment invite and all i got was this stupid t-shirt. ‘
FRONT: “Fuck Me and I Fuck You Back.” (or “Eff Me and I Eff U Back.”) – BACK: THE Consumerist.com.
FRONT: “I Fucked the Man.” (or “I Fucked With the Man.”) – BACK: And All I Got Was This Goddamed T-Shirt. THE FUCKING Consumerist.com.
Your PR people can’t handle me.
My Other Blog is a Ferrari
Brand Cist.
Endowing every ethnicity with X-Ray vision. Consumerist.com
‘when you care enough to spend the very best. ‘
‘consumerist. we’d charge, but then we’d have to suck.’
‘consumerist- because no one else cares.’
Front:”This conversation may be recorded for quality assurance”
‘you only love us for your money.’
‘you fuck with consumers, you fuck with us! you fuck with us, you fuck with you!’
“asphinctersayswhatsthatsay?”
‘consumerist: we can kick ralph nader’s ass.’
I hereby claim all anagrams. A few are below
“Because you can’t spell Consumerist without ‘Cost Miser'”
Consumerist: Putting “Nicest Smut” back where it belongs
Consumerist: Scaring CSRs with Sonic Muster.
Consumerist: Rinse to Scum
Consumerist: Scum Site to CSRs
Conusmerist: Cums in Riots
Conusmerist: “Cums in Stores”
Consumerist: The Scorn Site
“Because consumers pay good money for the right to bitch. Consumerist.com”
“I’m recording this conversation for the amusement of others on Consumerist.com”
consumerist (n) 1. corporate karma, generally bad.
‘no mercy for the wicked.’
‘beware, all ye who are mentioned here.’
“You’ll wish you helped me more.”
“I help spread bad word of mouth. No Pressure.”
“Help me send Consumerist a happy story.”
“AOL Retention Specialist.” And then on the back: “No, I never worked there. Consumerist.com”
On the front: “I didn’t sign up for this service.” On the back: “I’m disputing the charges, bitch!”
Or: “I demand to speak to a Level 3 CSR.”
‘90% of unhappy customers never complain…we never did fit in.’ (or) …i’ll take their cut.’
Seller Beware
(Think big bold military font or something like that with Consumerist logo, maybe a desert Chamoflauge mask under the font on a simple white 100% cotton Beefy T – dont skimp on the T brand, dude, Fruit of the Loom sucks.)
How about a middle aged guy

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. RumorsDaily says:

    I emailed this, but I’ll post it here too:

    You call WILL be recorded for quality assurance.

  2. RumorsDaily says:

    Or maybe it should be Our call will be recorded for quality assurance.

  3. Spiny Norman says:

    “I’ll have the Hand That Feeds Us lightly grilled, thouroughly embarrased, publicly chastised…and a nice glass of wine, please”

    Or

    “Consumerist: Cheerfully Chewing on Corporate Inadequacy”

  4. mactbone says:

    Saving boiling babies, killing brands, and exposing inept CSRs; all in a day’s work.

  5. Vinny says:

    Got one…

    “Consumerist… Like a ghost… Spookey…”

    Or…

    “Consumerist… We don’t like mustaches either…”

  6. Marcus says:

    I sent in, and must post something that may either be too obvious, or might just be perfectly obvious:

    Front: Consumerist.com
    Back: The customer is always right. Or else.

    Or, split the two up, maybe “customer is always right” on the front with “or else. Consumerist.com” on the back…

  7. not to contradict marcus but i work in retail and that ‘customer is always right’ bit makes me want gouge my eyes out. anyway…

    ‘ don’t bite the hand that feeds you. bite the one that takes your money.’
    ‘ humiliating corporate america is a dirty job. you’re welcome.’
    ‘ if i cancel the service plan, do i get my soul back?’

  8. ‘ does this shirt make me look poor?’
    ‘ though i walk through the valley of the shadow of commerce, i shall fear no sales rep.’
    ‘ this shirt has been made possible by sweatshops that block access to consumerist.com.’

    i’m just assuming that whichever side of the shirt features the quote, the other side will say consumerist somewhere.

    this thing ends today, right? i can go back to my meaningful and fulfilling life now?