Silver Lining In JuiceyJuice Patdowns And Airport Delays

• To attract customers, Airline attendants perform inflight cabaret. Tastefully, mind you. The shoulder pads stay on.
• Pushes industry farther along the path to see-through smocks being the only acceptable form of carryon.
• Likewise, Spurs development of the clear plastic Louis Vuitton luggage set.
• Ticket prices drop. Who are we kidding! They’ll rise to offset the profit loss!
• But that’s a good thing because with the ban on onboard personal care products and cleansers, “The Great Unwashed” becomes a metaphor made flesh.

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  1. Ben says:

    Would this be a chance to stand outside the airport and offer a service to travelers of boxing up all their liquids and shipping them via UPS or something to their destination?

    Seems it would beat pouring out their mouthwash or whatever and would be worth the price of postage plus a little extra to not have to do it yourself.

    Can’t do anything about the apple juice or starbucks (and are they squeezing nursing moms before they board? Just curious) but HOLY SHIT THIS IS STUPID.

    Somewhere there are people laughing at us taking away everyone’s KY in the interest of security.

  2. Papercutninja says:

    Next step?

    Nude flying.

    If we fly naked, then the terrorists have won.

  3. At the risk of being called “foolish” or “pompous” by crayonshinobi, I’ll have to point out that Louis Vuitton has *already* produced several clear vinyl collections that could be used as carry-ons. More would always be fun, though.