• Woot! Your apartment is missing something. Perhaps what it needs is a robot — part subservient Polish cleaning woman, part gay R2D2 — in the form of an iRobot Scooba Floor Washing Robot. For $229.99, that’s about $70 off the regular price. I’d buy one for my repulsive kitchen floor, but that would deny myself many pleasurable trysts with the Polish cleaning girls I hire to scrub it for me. What can I say? Attractive Eastern Europeans on their knees, covered in soap, scrubbing away at that scuff mark with the great unconscious gravity of being a girl? It brings out the Lothario in me.
• And what better to woo (or Woot!) that Polish cleaning woman than a quartet of Vina Robles Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay for $44.95? “The Vina Robles Edna Valley Chardonnay hides hints of honeyed citrus, jasmine, and minerals in its ripe-fruit aroma, the way a businessman of uncertain reputation might hide his assets in an anonymous Swiss bank account. On the palate, it’s as lush and rounded as Bond siren Ursula Andress, another sensual Swiss beauty who made herself at home in California. Unlike Ursula, it tastes a little like baked apples.”
• Insignia 20″ TV/DVD Combo for $97.99. Perch it precariously on the corner of your bath tub.
Highlights from Dealhack
• Bundle: Microwave, Refrigerator, and TV $200 at Best Buy. Good for no good punks entering college.