43 Things Not To Do At McDonald’s

A joyless, thankless job, the McDonald’s register gimp. Well, “thankless” if you’re considering it as an intellectually challenging and socially fulfilling long-term career prospect. But perhaps less so if you get your kicks hawking throat phlegm into the burgers of uppity patrons.

McDonald’s Talk is a Live Journal community for McDonald’s employees to rant, rave and vent hatred upon their customers. On that note, McDonald’s employee nunnie_504 has posted an astonishing list of forty three things that will cause her to wreak her vengeance upon you, if you should happen not to follow her unspoken, hyperactive protocol to the letter.

Most of the complaints are variations of “Don’t Make Me Do My Job.” But we love this one:

    Dont come into the lobby two minutes before we close. chances are ive already cleaned ,and it will only cause me to do unspeakable things to your (already stale) food.

In other words, don’t you dare come in during the stated hours of business, or nunna will ejaculate all over your food.

The entire list is a real winner. Other noteworthy points include “If you don’t speak English, bring an interpreter,” (if only McDonald’s provided the same service for its employees) and “Dont start talking to me about your order you rude whore.”

Things not to do when visiting a Mc Donald’s. ADD ON [McDonald's Talk]

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  1. Wow, the backlash in the comments is even better than the list!

  2. John Q Media says:

    Things not to do when working at McDonalds…

    1) When I’m in the middle of placing an order and your hommie Tyrese comes in, please finish taking my order before striking up a conversation with him about all these fine bitches in here you’d like to plow.

    2) “Yeah, whaddayou want?” is not an acceptable substitute for “Welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?”

    3) Don’t post messages on public forums about the “unspeakable things” that you do to our food. We already suspect that you do this anyway, don’t confirm it. Some of us like to pretend that we’re not chowing down on your excrement.

    4) Don’t treat me with hostility from the moment I walk through the door. If you’re working at a fast food joint, you sometimes will have to… um… WORK. If you can’t handle that, don’t take it out on me. I didn’t force you to get a job at Micky Dees.

    5) While team communication is important in the workplace, talking shit about customers with your co-workers while I’m standing at the window doesn’t make me feel good about being a customer of this establishment. Save it ’till I’m out of earshot.

    6) Perhaps most importantly, I’m not the asshole who was rude to you a moment ago. Either accept that occasional rude customers is a regular part of any customer service job, or take it up with him. Treating me badly for his behavior only makes me think that it is YOU who is the asshole.

    7) If you forget some part of my order, own up to it. I understand that sometimes people forget things. But if I ordered fries and there are no fries in my bag, don’t act like I’m being a pushy asshole for reminding you.

    This is fun! Add your own!

    • ShizaMinelli says:

      @John Q Media: 8) If I come up to you and ask for ketchup or something, assume that means the dispenser is empty and don’t give me a “the dispenser’s over THERE” with a side of attitude and eye-roll.

  3. marge says:

    having worked at the odd mc donald’s or two as a teenager, i realize it’s not the most mood-boosting place to work. there were ALWAYS a few employees among us who felt they had a right to spit in food, ‘accidentally drop’ drive thru orders, etc because these customers wanted them to preform their jobs. it’s still as confusing to me now as it was then. i was also often enraged by my job, but it had a lot more to do with being treated unfairly by management (being denied vacations, missing entire paychecks, being made to clock out if i were working overtime or be fired) than it did being required to serve…customers…food.

  4. kerry says:

    Amen on the translator bit. When I moved to my current neighborhood with a McDonald’s right around the corner I learned very fast that unless the manager was taking my order I needed to speak slowly and clearly if I wanted to get what I want. Even the employees that are native English speakers have a hard time understanding “two cheeseburgers with extra pickles.” I either get a dumbfounded look, or get double cheeseburgers, or no pickles, or all three. Gah. Then a native spanish speaker walks in and has no trouble at all, because they can speak spanish to the cashier and be understood perfectly.

  5. babette says:

    More things not to do while working at McDonalds’s..
    1)If you are a manager I come in to request that I actually get all the food I pay for; please do not allow the your employees to curse at me in front of you without even a second glance.
    2) If I ask to speak to the manager, don’t tell me that you don’t know who the manager is.
    3) If I order 2 chicken nugget Happy Meals and a 10 piece nugget. Don’t excpect that one pack of BBQ sauce will be satisfactory. (Yes, I did ask for aucef or all three.)
    4) If while in the drive-thru you ask me to pull ahead to wait for fries, do not throw my food at me through the car window when you bring it out.
    5)If I watch you spill half of my coffee on the counter, don’t put the lid back on, hand it me and act suprised when I ask you to fill it back up.
    6)Finally, if you have such a serious personality disorder that you cannot deal with the public effectively, don’t get a job where you have to deal with people. I understand, I am the same way. That is why I work with computers and not people.

  6. homerjay says:

    #25 caught me by surprise. I really never though of it but I guess it makes sense that they can hear everything you say before they even say hi to you at the drivethrough.

    I’ll have to watch my mouth. :P

  7. etinterrapax says:

    There are a couple of these service-worker-bitching LJs, and I mostly can’t stand them, even though I have a healthy distaste for the public after working for Sprawl-Mart (confidential to all: if you can’t find the bathrooms, it is not okay to choose a relatively private corner and just do your business there). The work is undignified, and in that list, I see resentment of that indignity. And I can’t say I blame her, but it’s the nature of the job: you wait on people who can be jerks. But you try not to let the jerky ones infest your service ethic so you start assuming they’re all jerks before you wait on them. Or at least, you do if you care. It’s easier not to care, but that takes a toll on your health and your sanity very shortly…to say nothing of what it does to your work.

    Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like teaching. Hmph. I bet that she’s one of those students who gives me carelessly written crapola and then looks sullen when she gets a generous C-.

  8. Morton Fox says:

    Hilarious. Way to sabotage her place of employment! If she is going to do unspeakable things to the food, I think it’s time to stop going to McDonald’s or at least the one where she works.

  9. Triteon says:

    Rule No. 1 for working at McDonald’s: The customer did NOT choose this profession for me. If I don’t like the job itself, the customer base or the hours, maybe I should work somewhere else.

  10. Some of these don’t make sense even with the “don’t make me do my job” mentality.

    30. Dont order a large ice cream cone.. they’re all one size.

    If they’re the same size anyway then what’s the problem? Just hand them the ice cream cone. They probably mean that they’re not asking for the teeny sample cone that’s free.

    7. If you dont see tomatoes on the sandwich in the picture dont fucking ask me to take them off. The big mac has been around for ages.. it dosent have tomatoes..

    Again, just give them the sandwich. They’ve basically asked you to do nothing to the burger: Why get pissed over it?

    Things not to do when whining about customers:
    Don’t complain about people who don’t speak English well if you can’t be bothered to use proper English yourself.

  11. AcilletaM says:

    People still eat at McDonald’s?

  12. Kishi says:

    28. I fucking know what PLAIN means.. dont feel the need to include that means “meat and cheese only!”

    Really? Not at any fast food place I’ve been to- unless we’ve specified “nothing on it, just the meat and cheese,” we end up getting the burger with ketchup and mustard on it.

    Half the time, it’s still got the pickles and lettuce and whatever, too. I do show some civility and respect to fast food workers, when are they going to reward that with a bit of civility and competence?

  13. Mr. Gunn says:

    Let’s see…a 25 years old girl with livejournal and myspace pages, you reckon she’s an attention whore?
    Let’s see #2….how many McDonalds are there in Walker LA. Only one?

    So if I were to call that McDonalds….

  14. Demingite says:

    I flinched at reading the words “your hommie Tyrese” above.

    I think the rule should be mutual respect. Vendors should respect customers (who fund the vendors’ paychecks), but customers should treat vendors as we ourselves would like to be treated. It’s not cool for customers to be unsolicitedly difficult or rude.

    Now, on the matter of coming in two minutes before closing. That’s kind of a pet peeve of mine. In a sensible business, you do not begin closing up or cleaning rituals until you have shut the doors to customers. If you post your closing time as 10 pm, customers have the right to expect 100% complete service until 10 pm. It’s a matter of sensible scheduling. At Trader Joe’s (an eminently sensible place), employees are scheduled for work until 11 pm — two full hours after the store closing time of 9 pm. This way customers who arrive at 8:59 pm still can do their shopping without angry, dirty looks from employees.

    I do sympathize with the complaint about customers’ coming in two minutes before closing, but it’s not the customer’s fault in the slightest. Some years back I worked at a small diner and the owner would have me leave at the same time at which the store closed to customers. It was a dumb way to do things. She would have me start cleaning and closing up two hours before closing to customers/the end of my shift. I remember getting angry when a customer when come in near closing, after I had cleaned up, and ordered something that would mess up when I had just (sometimes arduously) cleaned. While I was expected to leave at x pm with everything clean. It was a no-win situation. It didn’t have to be that way. Instead, it would have made tons of sense to end my shift an hour or two after we closed our doors to customers. But again, that circumstance was by no means the customer’s fault.

  15. AcidReign says:

    …..I worked food jobs years ago when my Beer degree at Auburn didn’t work out, and I never understood the idiots that whined when a customer came in right before closing. Hell, I was trying to pay rent, eat, operate a car, and pay my own medical insurance premiums on that minimum wage ($2.35/hour) job. I loved it when a big crowd descended on us at quitting time! That was OT, baby! If they wanted to chat for two or three hours, I was making an extra $3.52 an hour. Working an hour over meant enough extra for a 6-pack!

  16. thatabbygirl says:

    I agree with Demingite about the mutual respect thing. A lot of the
    comments above seem to assume the employee has made a conscious choice
    to work at McDonald’s – or somewhere basically equivalent to McDonald’s
    in a fast food or big box retail kind of job. There’s a lot of
    indignity inherent in that kind of work which, as other commenters have
    pointed out, breeds resentment.

    So when you go to a poorly funded school with ancient textbooks and
    constantly rotating substitute teachers, acquire little or no life
    skills from your parents, who may or may not be in your life at all,
    and have not once in your life been told that you deserve something
    better than a job frying things for people – where are you supposed to
    work that won’t have this indignity? And while that situation isn’t the
    customer’s fault, it’s not the employee’s fault either.

  17. John Q Media says:

    Demingite,

    No need to flinch, I wasn’t being racist. The incident actually happened to me a few weeks ago at the McDonalds on B’way and 145th in New York, pretty much as I described it. I believe the exact greeting that the clerk gave his friend (as he ignored me) was something to the effect of “Yo, Tyrese! What’s up, holmes?” And yes, the conversation did turn to a group of ladies seated by the door before the manager came and reminded the guy that he should be working.

    • ShizaMinelli says:

      @John Q Media: I’ve had the same happen to me more than once. It’s ridiculous that they actually think it’s OK to have a conversation (in person or on a fucking CELL PHONE!!!) while dealing with customers. Absolutely ridiculous!

  18. dabitch says:

    24. If your card is declined.. dont ask why and assume its our fault.

    Heh, yes, why do people do that? Card issuers never tell vendors why a card is declined for reasons of privacy. If you wanna know what is wrong with your card, ask your bank. Duh.

  19. MrBartokomous says:

    You know, this all just makes me a little bit happier that I’ve
    switched most of my fast-food consumption to Burger King… those BK
    Stackers and Onion Rings are damned tasty once in a while.

  20. Demingite says:

    John Q. Media: It sounds like you were quoting from an actual, unfortunate incident. As thatabbygirl points out, I think a lot of people who end up in fast food jobs have not necessarily had the best shake (no pun intended) in life. I went to a Subway restaurant a couple weeks ago and was impressed with how “rough around the edges” the woman who fixed my sandwich was (not interpersonally sensitive, a poor communicator, didn’t ask me the questions she should have asked me). I am certain her background contributed to her being that way — probably uneducated, low income parents (if she was lucky enough to have parents, and two of them), and quite possibly shabby, underfunded schools…there might well be abuse in her history, too.

    Now, I don’t think it’s OK to just tolerate inappropriate or poor treatment of customers knowing that the clerk’s lives have been rough. I think it was entirely appropriate for that manager to correct the guy at McDonald’s. (I wish a similar correction, or some other kind of feedback, could have occurred at Subway.) Corrections/feedback are good for these individuals’ employability, and their ability to advance in any industry, fast food or otherwise, and improve their lot in life.

    So I guess I try to balance empathy and patience with appropriate, honest feedback. If a clerk’s behavior is particularly bad I will
    speak to a manager (or someone at corporate) and/or email or fill out a comment card, while I give kudos when appropriate, too.

  21. I loved it when a big crowd descended on us at quitting time! That was OT, baby!

    Some fast food places won’t pay their employees anything past the time their shift ends, whether they’re finished working or not. It happened to someone I know when they worked at a Subway.

  22. AcidReign says:

    …..That’s when you file a complaint with the local US Department of Labor. That stuff is patently illegal. I had a recent dispute with my current employer over lunch breaks. They wanted me to work through and not get paid, I said “no way, I’m putting it on my time card, and you can pay me or not,” AND THEY CAVED. Particularly, I was opposed to ordering my people to work through lunch without pay, and was not going to do it. I think a supervisor has some responsibility to do the right thing and not pull the trigger just because he’s ordered to…

  23. AcilletaM says:

    Rectilinear, there were lawsuits against Wal*Mart for that kind of behavior.

  24. AcilletaM says:

    The link to the list is no longer there. There is a new post instead “lol i guess mine was more offensive? lmao”.

  25. Kat says:

    lmao I’m a baby cuz I delete my blog posts the second they offend somebody lol lmao!!111one

  26. Oh, goody for me. I just happen to be in Baton Rouge, visiting family, and Walker is but a short, uh, drive away!

    I’ll bring the video camera when I go talk to the manager and notify the Consumerist when the sparks fly!

    This should be fun.