Seated next to his elderly Catholic grandfather on a Delta flight, David was nervous when saw these words come across the in-flight movie screen:
“If you see this warning, you are viewing a version of the movie that is for use only for review by Delta Airlines staff. If this is screening in the main cabin, please alert a flight attendant.”
The unedited version of Wedding Crashers ensued, containing all the breasts and all the Vince Vaughn crotch rubbings.
David didn’t let Delta get away with leaving all the jokes in. Oh no, they’re still smarting from those $25 gift certificates…
“This past December, my family and I were returning from Hawaii. We had been down for my sister’s wedding, so we had the whole family in tow: Mom, Dad, my other sister, my brother, Grandpa Jim, my wife. We aren’t a particularly socially liberal family as a whole. Perhaps my wife and I are, but absolutely not my 80-year-old Catholic grandfather and not my prudish parents.
I say that to tell this: a movie began during the flight. I saw a warning at the beginning of the movie that said, “If you see this warning, you are viewing a version of the movie that is for use only for review by Delta Airlines staff. If this is screening in the main cabin, please alert a flight attendant.”
Well, I was sitting right next to my mom and my grandfather, and I certainly didn’t want to have to watch some unapproved version with them, held hostage and not able to use excuses like I usually do when a movie we rented accidentally gets sexy or vulgar or something.
This was like my worst nightmare.
Here came the title screen:
“Well, maybe this will be okay,” I told myself. It’s got Owen Wilson, co-star of I Spy. He’s family-friendly.
And then there were at least 10 sets of breasts.
I stand up and begin looking for the flight attendant. Frantically. There is no way I’m watching a boob movie with Grandpa Jim.
Only, there was no flight attendant around. At all. I looked for 15 minutes. I guess they had stepped out for a smoke break or something. I was also a little embarrassed to give it a real gung-ho effort, since the entire cabin seemed pretty stoked about this movie. I was going to be the one to ruin the fun. I sheepishly sat back down.
What followed was the most uncomfortable 2 hours of my life, as my parents and I sat and watched Wedding Crashers. At least, until they finally wised up that it wasn’t going to get any cleaner. Until they realized the mistake Delta had made.
But that was not before I watched a girl rubbing Vince Vaughn’s crotch under the table, Owen Wilson taped up by the love interest’s brother, and then mother (if I’m remembering correctly), etc etc.
I emailed Delta about it later. I got a standard apology letter and a $25 flight voucher to be used by each of us on the flight.”
Delta, in the inimitable words of Jeremy Grey, that’s not how you cut cake, you gotta treat cake like a lady.