J-Date: Jewish Dating Just Got A Hell Of A Lot Creepier

Orthodox, Hassidic O.G. oi seeks Jewish Princess for love, romance, sexy divisions leading to creepy stalking and court summons over first date bill.

Welcome to J-Date, a Match.com for Jews. And meet Darren L. Sherman, J-Date client, pedant and creepo cheapskate extraordinaire! Darren’s wants in a mate are modest: “I have no set rules per se on dating someone younger/older (20-40). I have learned that age really does not matter; so why limit any possibilities in finding a life long partner. Wouldn’t you agree? Physical characteristics: Preferably tall and medium build. Mentally: Fun and easy going”

You really would have to be easy going to date a schlub like Darren, though. Perhaps to the point of weeping lithium. Because after a date with Joanne that went apathetically, Darren sent her a bill for her portion of the dinner… despite the fact that Joanne had earlier offered to pay for her half, and Darren had declined.

Oh, but it didn’t stop there. Darren began leaving messages on her machine. He threatened her with a court summons. He sent her a copy of his credit card statement. He contacts her employer. He even tries to raise a discrepancy with the restaurant where they ate. His emails are unintentionally hysterical epithets of sexless Scroogism: “Do the right thing,” or “You ate the food, you drank the wine, Pay your bill,” Darren mutters darkly.

Oh, and did we mention there are recordings of all the phone calls? Darren sounds exactly like the Seinfeldesque Jewish skinflint (wokka wokka!) with a thwarted boner that you’d expect.

How Not To Act on J-Date [PR Differently] (Thanks, Shaun!)

Comments

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  1. Pelagius says:

    Perhaps Frank Zappa raised Darren’s expecations.

  2. Hooray4Zoidberg says:

    Wow, that delivers. Congrats to Darren for perpetuating the Jewish stereotype.

  3. missdona says:

    Awesome. Thanks for posting this, Consumerist. I heard the calls on a radio show a few weeks ago and couldn’t find it online anywhere.

  4. bambino says:

    Hil
    Ari
    Ous.
    That is all.
    Thank you.

  5. etinterrapax says:

    One of the comments on PR Differently suggested that this was an urban legend, but Snopes is still calling it undetermined. In my writer’s imagination, Darren heard about the UL and thought to himself, “Damn, that’s a really good idea! I think I’ll do that!”

  6. Ass_Cobra says:

    Not a bad tipper though. $20 on a $107 bill. You ate the food, you drank the wine, pay your bill.

  7. BigTDog says:

    That was very hilarious. Thankfully I’m not a jewish woman and therefore not tempted to J-Date.

    For some reason, all I could think about was the movie “Better Off Dead”: I Want My $2!!

    What a prick.