The Second Greatest Thing We’ve Ever Posted: Crazy Cat Lady Telemarketing Call

Okay, we hate telemarketers plenty. But this woman might be taking the entire thing too far.

Download MP3 here.

A description really won’t do this call justice. So just listen as, over eight minutes, an insane cat lady calls a telemarketer a terrorist, a rapist, an Iraqi insurgent, a murderer, a serial killer, a criminal, a sexual abuser, a hater, hurter and life deserter. And that’s just twenty seconds of the phone call. She also claims to have had an appendix rupture due to telemarketing calls and that she can produce an incriminating list of hundreds of people who have been murdered by telemarketers. That’s another ten seconds.

And it goes on and on and on, interrupted only occasionally by Alex’s calm, hilarious responses and a sound from the woman’s throat sounding very much like the regurgitation of her entire esophagus.

Through it all, Alex is unflappable. Scummy profession aside, he’s our new hero: smooth as silk, sarcastic yet polite. We love his understated response to being accused of being a serial rapist: “Wow! That’s a pretty harsh accusation!” The woman uses this as a segue to tell him about a friend who was gang raped by telemarketers; Alex doesn’t even blink. What’s cooler than being cool? Ice cold!

There’s a strange logic about the entire recording that becomes clear after the second or third listen. We recommend listening to it again and again. This is the second best thing we’ve ever posted. Thanks, Nick!

Crazy Telemarketer Call [YTMND]

Comments

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  1. Wait, who went outside now?

  2. homerjay says:

    Wow…… wow…… I don’t know. I vote that this is the best thing ever posted.

    I hope this has legs and that we see this woman interviewed on Niteline.

  3. ACurmudgeon says:

    What was he selling? Lithium-by-mail? Direct calls to crazies. He must be used to it.

  4. LTS! says:

    I think I’m going to head down to the Psych wing at work for a dose of sanity. In fact, I might just play this call and see how many people are deemed sane simply because this lady sets a new level by which to judge.

    “Are you threatening me?”

  5. heathalouise says:

    This is the phone equivalent of that “I AM A GOD WARRIOR!” chick from Trading Spouses…Brilliant.

  6. As crazy as the woman is…it still doesn’t make telemarketing right. Furthermore, what point in posting this is there? Am I supposed to feel bad for the telemarketer? Or just laugh at the crazy cat lady? I think we should form this annual tax auditing organization she threatens Alex with…

  7. Paul D says:

    This woman needs medication.

    “I heard a click…”

  8. Drinker Nisti says:

    My fav: “I hope they play this tape in court someday, ma’am.”

  9. best ever

  10. tinfoil says:

    That is just amazing!

  11. Mike Tyson's movie career says:

    Wow. She is amazing. The irony is that he was calling to confirm he pizza order (maybe).

    God, I love how his answers, after about three minutes, are designed just to piss her off. Still, I like the BT call better.

  12. bambino says:

    Holy
    Freaking
    Hell
    And people wonder why there’s a need for birth control in the world.
    “I’m getting to calm down” – Classic.

  13. Jesse in Japan says:

    That woman sounds just like the mom from Malcolm in the Middle when she gets angry.

  14. The_Truth says:

    “Son of a bitch”
    “Son of a bitch”
    “Son of a bitch”
    .
    .
    .
    “Im getting a calm down”

  15. Ben Popken says:

    Yoni writes:

    “jeez guys, that lady’s insane.

    I’m sure I speak for every other EMT out there, but I’m embarrased she throws that out there.”

  16. Lemurs says:

    Is it just me, or does she lapse into Golum-speak at points during the call? Does she hate and mistrust telemarketers? Or Hobiteses?

  17. Holy moley. She must be on the upswing of one of her manic episodes. Yikes. I have to admit I use that line too – ‘I AM a supervisor’.

  18. Ran Kailie says:

    Sheesh, talk about a few french fries short of the happy meal, someone definitely gave her a healthy dose of crazy.

    She actually sounds like she had tourettes or something, but wow. Alex has the patience of a saint.

  19. AcidReign says:

    …..”Auditing your and your families’ taxes for the rest of your life!” I like this. I may have to use that on some folks…

  20. Derek, IN says:

    There are three things I absolutely love about this recording that caused me to put it on my iPod.
    1. “Not if I don’t want to. (Give my name out.)”
    “YOU SONOFAMOTHERFUC GUWAHHHHHH!”
    2. The pauses where crazy cat lady has been caught in a corner and then insults him.
    3. “ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH RAPE!?!?!? [sic]

    How can she say that telemarketing is more emotionally scarring and violating than rape?

  21. ckilgore says:

    what was he calling for?

  22. kegsofduff says:

    ok, telemarketers are crap. But this is proff that they call some crazy people from time to time. This chick is nuts and I love how the guy on the line just loves it and stays cool.

    Telemarketers are crazy. Some people they call are crazy.

  23. YOU CALLED MY HOUSE ALEX?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

  24. At one point she says it’s not going to court.

    With the insane threats about collecting all his family’s tax returns and not letting his grandmothers have regular phone numbers…I’d like to know how all those things will come to fruition!