Dang MacBook’s So Hot, Could Fry An Egg

I love my MacBook Pro: it’s damned hot. And by ‘damned hot’, I mean that not only does it cause vacuous hipster chicks to spontaneously become impregnated when they see me walking by with it tucked under my arm, but I also mean that it’s fortunate that such divine conception happens, because after months of use, my loins look like someone fired a laser cannon at the crotch of a Ken doll.

Gawker internal policy prevents me from posting a photograph of my genitalia, which is lucky for Apple, since it would blow the entire MacBook heat issue wide open, Vincent Ferrari style. Still, the image to the right of a MacBook user actually frying an egg on the underside of his MacBook should illustrate the point. The fried ovum is symbolic of one of my testicles. The spatula is not symbolic of anything, except that I’ve had to use them myself to ungraft myself from the underbelly of my laptop after extended use.

Cook breakfast with your MacBook [TUAW]
Related: Inflammatory MacBooks

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. Falconfire says:

    Ok this is insane, am I the only one with a johnson of steel that can take these heat like it was a nice day on the beach. I mean seriously ITS NOT THAT FREAKING HOT. I have only once felt even slightly uncomfortable.

  2. ckilgore says:

    “I mean that not only does it cause vacuous hipster chicks to spontaneously become impregnated when they see me walking by with it tucked under my arm…”

    Speaking of that, when and I getting my child support check?

  3. Vinny says:

    I call Bravo Sierra. I own a Blackbook and it’s no hotter than my last laptop, a Dell Inspiron 700m.

    No sir, I don’t buy it.

  4. gte910h says:

    Eggs will coagulate at a fairly low temperature (low-mid 100’s). While
    this doesn’t feel pleasent on bare skin, it doesn’t (often) burn.

    This probably makes pretty good eggs. They cook much better on low/meduim low then at the temps most people cook them at.

    –Michael

  5. DeeJayQueue says:

    plus I don’t think they’re called Laptops anymore. Every mention of the MacBook that I saw referred to it as a ‘notebook’ computer. Besides, having it on your lap is dangerous and un-ergonomic. Get a pillow or a lap desk or something if you must blog while in bed with vacuous hipster chicks. Otherwise use it on a table and stop burning your boy bits on purpose, you masochistic freak.

  6. Vinny says:

    Not a pillow. Pillows tend to make things worse.

    Ideally, a lapdesk or something simmilar because it’ll allow air flow underneath…

  7. Ishmael says:

    Seriously man, set it on the coffee table every once in awhile.

    And I’m still waiting on my child support check as well.

  8. ModerateSnark says:

    I have a feeling Brownlee hasn’t even scratched the surface of genital-deep-tissue-damage jokes. This could become the longest running gag here. After you’ve reached 100 varations of turns-of-phrase describing your MacBook melted manhood, please post a round-up. You know, the top 10, then 90 more dongle disintegration descriptions “after the jump.”

  9. Aph says:

    I was in a liquor store 8 days ago. Inside there was a poster for some pretty cheesy looking magician. Then I realize the guy behind the cash register is the same guy. And hes wearing a shirt… with the same graphic on it. Him looking dumb… on his own shirt.

    It was legit too. The point is he decides he needs to showoff to me for some reason “Hey my man, I got this laptop check this out.” He pulls out his flaming fucking ‘NOTEBOOK’ and its one of those white macs. It was fun to knock him back down by telling him his sperm were cooking and becoming mutated and his pretty little keyboard will fill with grime like a white iPod mini in hyperspace.

  10. LLH says:

    i feel your pain dude! seriously, in the 3 (or is it 4? i forget) years i’ve had my 1st gen. 12″ powerbook g4 (brand new out of the box) i have never had this happen. i fell asleep (ok, passed out) with laptop on my knees and part of my arm (sitting on couch longways, knees bent up supporting heat source). so when i woke up i saw a had an angry looking rash on my knee and wrist. my knee didn’t really hurt, didn’t think it was a burn but the one on my wrist was getting redder by the minute. after a day the mark on my knee was gone but my wrist! a burn blister had begun to form! WTF? so, i too, was once sceptic of these babies who cried “ouch”. now i’m a believer. ps. my “nap” was only like 3 hours, the burns were on my left side (the hard drive side).