Children’s ER Names Itself After Abercrombie & Fitch

Branding is everywhere, billboards, sky-writing and even in your pants (check the label, bub). Always seeking new ways to expand message penetration, companies have turned to sponsoring buildings, such as the Pepsi Center and Coors Field. The field of viable sports venues depleted, corporations have turned to the next killing field: hospitals!

The Columbus Children’s Hospital announced last month it’s going to dub its new emergency department the Abercrombie & Fitch Trauma Center, in honor of a $10 million grant the clothier made.

Gawwwwwd, the jokes just write themselves. Will the hot, heaving spawn of the Aryan nation suture up gun wounds inflicted by the middle-school fashion mafia? Will shirtless boy wonders fish out melted crayons from tiny spleens, using only the power of their doleful gaze?

The crossover potential for A&F’s characteristically risque catalog is enormous. Jason’s doing it for the kids in a hand-knit denim hot pants, Supersoft, 100% cotton, soft peached elastic waistband, Vintage Abercrombie Wash, Classic Fit, Imported.

To be fair, the naming isn’t entirely inappropriate. Lots of people are traumatized by A&F.

$10 Million A&F Gift Benefits Columbus Children’s Hospital” [Press Release]

Comments

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  1. Aph says:

    “…the IBM Stellar Sphere, the Microsoft Galaxy, Planet Starbucks…”

  2. I’m surprised A&F has that kind of cash to throw around. Every one knows American Eagle is the new Fitch.

    So you think Bruce Weber is going to do photo spreads of attractive babies and childrens, to splatter the walls with, while circuit party gay techno is blasted over the PA?

    Will they have shirtless greeters?

    I guess it could be the ”Hustler’ Center For Trauma And Emergencies’.

  3. ‘I guess it could be worse, the ‘Hustler’…’ I mean. Sorry.

  4. bambino says:

    “I’m surprised A&F has that kind of cash to throw around. Every one knows American Eagle is the new Fitch.”

    Maybe if you’re in OhMyGawdHowLameville. Everyone knows the spoiled brats are wearing Hollister now.

  5. Oh yah, Hollister too.

    I’m all about ‘Osh Kosh B’Gosh’ personally.

  6. Not that I approve of any of the aforementioned “Mall Brands” (the lowest I will stoop is Prada, or maybe, MAYBE Emporio Armani) but to call AE or Hollister “The New Abercrombie” is simply ridiculous. Regardless of marketing or image, A&F will always have the cachet of simply being considerably more expensive than the aforementioned labels. The day all my little Scene Queens consider A&F outre and wrap themselves up in American Eagle is the day that this old Queen shops at Payless.

  7. bambino says:

    Well, you might want to break out the geriatric velcro loafers it.goes.there, because I’ve seen many ‘queens’ in this queer-friendly town of Austin TX sporting the Hollister. BTW, don’t you know Prada is, like, soooooooo last week? OMG!

  8. ModerateSnark says:

    Ok, I’ll try one:

    The only children’s trauma center where they give pre-op teens the option “shave or electrolysis?”

  9. Aph says:

    nurses

  10. Juancho says:

    Well, considering A+F owns Holiister…

  11. bambino says:

    I guess it’s just one big inbreeding clusterfuck then?

  12. Ben Popken says:

    Bill writes:

    “Can we hope for hospital gowns pre-sprayed with cologne? Because if not, I’m taking my trauma business to OSU.

    And please, God, let the Gap sponsor a gynecology center.”