Monday Morning Reminder: Send Us Your Fourth Of July Maimings!

Happy Independence Day! Ben and I are taking it easy and sleazy over the next couple days, so today will be a half day and tomorrow will be a null day. However, we will undoubtedly stumble back to work with bloodshot eyes and throbbing brow on Wednesday morning and then, more than ever, we will need your tips to regurgitate on the site verbatim with a minimum of commentary in order to make our Gawker imposed quota.

So if a firework blows up in your hand this weekend, mail us. And if the faulty company in turn buys you a cybernetic arm, mail us too.

Hit the jump for the reader stories we culled this week!

Time To Look Up Attorneys In Verizon SuperPages
Can You Really Hijack An Airplane With A Belt?
Customer Experiences Superior UPS Service, Then Heart Attack
AOL After the Storm
Timbuk2 Listens
Quality Customer Care at Direct TV for EastEnders Fan
Piedmont Hospital Sucks
Whole Foods’ Remarkably Feculent Fruit
How Do You Like Your Sales Greetings?
Sleepy Comcast Denouement
When Flying Requires a Shoehorn
Mo’ Moen In Customer Service, Please
Dust Bowl Neither Good For American Farmer, Nor Breakfaster

Comments

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  1. Aph says:

    Yea so I noticed consumerist NOT on that multiple link gawker graphic. And then I looked at some of the ones that were and fell into a narcoleptic daze and bumped my head by the time I hit the one about cars. Will it take a picket line outside the crack den HQ or what?

  2. AcidReign says:

    …..Does the Consumerist go after Chinese firework makers? Our grand finale last night was the 36-shot Jurassic Adventure, Model LB-B006, made by Lightning Bolt (TM). It was popping merrily along, shooting myriad sparkly screamers into the night sky, when disaster struck. With about three shots left, the cardboard box disintegrated, and the last three tubes exploded at once, each sending a half dozen flaming balls horizontally out in a big fan pattern. If I hadn’t braced this big box with cinder blocks, it would have sprayed my audience and probably hurt someone! My son and I frantically dove behind a hedge with stuff flashing and banging all around us…

    …..My lawn and two shrubs were set on fire, but I did have a hose and nozzle ready, and put them out quickly.

  3. AcidReign says:

    ….More fireworks data: don’t buy Night Plane (made in China). We shot off 8 of these, and only two fired correctly. 5 of them fizzled at about 3 feet up, and one exploded on the ground. Our best purchase was the $54 Double Banger, made by Zenith Specialties, of Clinton MO. This was a set of 16 double-shot mortar-style loads that worked flawlessly, and spectacularly, lighting up the neighborhood and filling the air with musical crackles, and thunderous booms! We also bought a Dragon Fest 25 shot block, by Lightning Bolt, that worked very well.

    …..As always, block in any big firework with cinder blocks. Make sure that the side facing the audience has a block in front of it. This precaution saved a possible hospital/911 deal last night. And have fire-fighting equipment on hand, particularly if you live in a state undergoing drought.