Old Spice Smells Armpits To Find Sweatiest City

What American city inspires (then perspires!) the most armpits? What vast metropolis reeks the most like a giant Italian sub?

Old Spice, a deodorant named after the very stench it is attempting to cover, recently completed its annual Top 100 Sweatiest Summer City rankings. The top of the list Phoenix, Arizona, where the average resident oozes 0.9 liters of body fluid per hour on a typical summer day.

Las Vegas ranked Number Two, mostly due to sweat furrowing on the brow at strip clubs. Fellow Arizona city Tucson was No. 3. Phoenix Mayor Skip Rimsa was awarded a year’s supply of Old Spice in honor of his city’s achievements.

It was all ultra-scientific, of course: “The rankings were based on the average U.S. male/female height and weight, and the average high temperature and relative humidity levels during June, July and August. The sweat level was analyzed based on the assumption that the individual was walking for one hour.”

Sometimes, the world really does mourn for Chris Farley. That man could have carried any city to the championship, singlehandedly.

Orlando ranks 13th on Old Spice’s sweatiest cities list [Bizjournals.com]

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  1. Transuranic says:

    OK, I’m moving to the #3 city, Tucson, from Washington DC., which *would* be the #1 city except that the constant heavy humidity prevents sweat from ever leaving your skin, thus depriving you of the thrill of sweating with a purpose.

    Screw Old Spice, Axe, and all other antipersperant / deodorants: after years of yellowed pitstains in every last undershirt, no matter how much I lathered on, someone clued me in that those hippie crystal deodorants don’t leave the unsightly (and rigid, ew) circles where the sun don’t shine.

    So I gave up my Axe Kilo (a flavor hardly anyone carried anyway, despite it smelling better than the other cheap-cologne-themed ones) and went all-hippie. Yes, kids, mere minutes later my daily bacterial funk was gone – I still sweat a bit there, but it doesn’t feel any worse than when I used the standard.

    Remember how a well-designed product really only forces you to buy more? Well, the hippies won this battle, and I don’t even have to smell like patchouli. I don’t smell like anything.

    O Brave new world, that lacks such useless products in’t! Save your money for toys instead.

  2. In my mind, it should’ve been:
    1. Houston
    2. New Orleans
    3. Houston
    4. New Orleans

    110 degrees with no humidity is nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to 100 degrees with 100% humidity. It’s like a hot sponge on your face when you’re outside. It’s like the whole city is stuck in someone’s crotch. It’s like heaven (as long as it’s a lady-crotch).

  3. From the P & G website: “The…rankings are based on the amount of sweat a person…would produce walking around for an hour in the average high temperatures….”

    “Would” is the operative word there. They’re sweaty in theory only–no one walks in those cities. I grew up in #6, San Antonio, TX, where it’s unconscionable to walk more than a few minutes on a summer’s day. That’s what air conditioned cars are for, honey.

    In practice, our beloved NYC, where we walk everywhere, should be much higher than #62. Let the good people at Old Spice ride any form of public transportation during a summer evening rush hour. Then see who’s ranked sweatiest & most-smelling-like-gutter.

  4. paolo says:

    another sample comment