Kill A Man At Ten Paces With An iPod Nano

While we’re subversively busy this morning giving our TSA lurkers more bullet-points for cool swag they can justify confiscating from us as dangerous weapons (we imagine a common determinant in their thought process is: “Wouldn’t I look just darling in that passenger’s swank rhinestone belt and Gucci stilettos?”) let’s add the iPod Nano to the list!

After all, according to McSweeney’s, there’s at least 8 ways to kill a man with one. To be fair, though, some of these will be less helpful than others to brainstorming Al’Qaeda members:

    Dig a pit about 5 feet deep, then take about 15 3-foot-long stakes 2 inches in diameter and sharpen one end to a fine point, like a very sharp pencil. Jam the sticks at least a foot into the ground, with the sharp ends pointing up. Cover the hole with pine boughs, grass, and leaves. Treat the Nano like a slice of cheese pizza in a deep, hot oven and place it gently in the middle.

To make that one work, you’d need to clear a chainsaw through customs, and there’s at least nine ways to kill someone with one of those, making the iPod Nano redundant in the scheme of things.

Eight Ways to Kill Someone by Using an iPod Nano [McSweeney's]

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  1. Jesse in Japan says:

    If they’re going to be so expansive about the definition of a weapon, what about boxers? Aren’t their fists registered as lethal weapons? Thus, a boxer should only be able to board an airplane after some very interesting surgery.