Welcome To CarcinogenAir, Please Don’t Not Smoke While On Board

Finally! A flying cure house in which chain smoking travelers can turn themselves into strips of walking, talking, coughing jerky.

German entrepreneur Alexander Schoppman is starting an all-smoking luxury airline called Smintair (Smoker’s International Airline). Flying between Dusseldorf and Tokyo, the 747s will only pander to the wheezing, black-lunged traveling elite. Like a counter-gravitational Cotton Club, smoking will be allowed throughout the plane, with the upper deck turned into a smoker lounge.

Oddly enough, they are pitching their flying carcinogen aquarium to non-smokers as well, claiming the air conditioning system pumps fresh outside air into the cabin. This is probably true: the smell of a stogie is scarcely less pleasant than the 8-hour lingering flatulence of the old woman sitting in front of you, or the fetid stench of foot cheese when shoes pop off at the 30 minute mark.

Now if only someone would open an airline that makes parents stuff their wailing infants in pet carriers and shove them in baggage.

The Captain Has Turned On The Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em Sign [Upgrade Travel]

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  1. Josh R. says:

    And, once again, the free market answers its own problems. The free market said “we don’t want smoking” and some people didn’t like it (or saw a possible product niche) so they came up with an answer.

    Good for this company.

  2. Hooray4Zoidberg says:

    Now someone just needs to start a service like this from Amsterdam.

  3. Lemurs says:

    $5 says they don’t fly for more than 2 years. If there is one thing any investor should have learned the last 5 years, it’s that the airline market is crowded and finicky. Banking on a premium flying market where your only premium perk worth talking about is smoking is a sure failure.

  4. RandomHookup says:

    I’m saving my flyer miles for HeroinAir, the travel option for those discriminating travelers who know the lavatory just isn’t big enough to do things the right way.

  5. Pete Doherty could be the spokesperson for ‘HeroinAir’.

  6. CTSLICK says:

    Mechanics will love this, cigarette smoke makes it sooo much easier to find pressurization leaks since they show up as nice black streaks. ‘Course all that tar and nicotine can also play hell with all of the valves, filters, sensors and assorted monkey motion that control the ventilation/pressurization system. Nevermind.

    “Oddly enough, they are pitching their flying carcinogen aquarium to non-smokers as well, claiming the air conditioning system pumps fresh outside air into the cabin.” An absolutely laughable claim even on the newest aircraft…you were so right to comically punch them right in the nose for that one.