Dust Bowl Neither Good For American Farmer, Nor Breakfaster

A reader is unhappy with his Nutty Nuggets, a generic cereal brand. Specifically, their limitless desire to turn into fibrous dust. Dave doesn’t doubt their nutrient and mineral content, nor their properties as a “colostomy bag in a bowl.”

However, he’s dissatisfied with the flavor and would like a refund.

    ….I think perhaps it was a substance much like this nutty nugget paste that the Navajo Indians used to make their adobe huts down in the Southwestern portion of the United States…

Paypal is available as a means of transaction.

We sympathize, being unable to go a day without a bowlful of our Crispy Hexagons.

Dave’s letter appears after the jump…


“Dear Inter-American Products,

I went to Fred Meyer, a local grocery store, to buy some Grape Nuts a month ago, and I was wooed away from that purchase by your ‘Nutty Nuggets’ brand cereal. Only now a month later, do I realize how extremely poor of a judgment I made by going with ‘Nutty Nuggets’.

Recently, I’ve noticed my bank account average balance somewhere around about 3 dollars, so cash definitely was a contributing factor to the decision. When I was a kid my dad would say “Dave….the generic brand is just as good as the name brand, only cheaper”. Well….maybe that was true when he was a child, but I think here in the 21st century, ‘Nutty Nuggets’ presents tangible evidence to the contrary.

I’m still kicking myself because I thought I had learned this lesson a few years back. I was shopping down at the same Fred Meyer when I made the fateful decision to buy a generic version of Q-tips brand ear cotton swabs. Q-tips were far and away the most expensive product of their kind on the shelf. In case you didn’t know, here’s an interesting factoid so I can save you the potential emotional distress. With Q-tips, you get more cotton on the end than with the generic brand. The generic brand reminds me of sticking a plastic stick in my ear. With cotton swabs, you definitely are making a serious commitment with the 500 pack, it takes the better part of two years to clean your ears that many times! My ear has been wishing for the last three years that I had not made that money-saving, painful purchase. Last Christmas my ear actually tried to steal Santa’s beard at the local shopping mall because it was jealous of the plethora of cotton hanging off of that jovial man’s chin.

I was kind of side tracking there for a moment….Getting back to your ‘Nutty Nuggets’, sure they look like grape nuts, hell…even the box looks like a grape nuts box…but buying this bag of Nutty Nuggets reminded me of waking up on Christmas, unwrapping your big present, finding an empty box and realizing your whole family is behind you laughing and pointing at you. In my bag of ‘Nutty Nuggets’, a very fine wheat powder is prevalent throughout the entire box. The last time I went to pour a bowl of Nutty Nuggets, it looked like I was pouring dust into my bowl. There is nothing more disappointing then looking out my window on an inclement Seattle day, followed by stumbling downstairs to discover…yet another heaping bowl full of sawdust waiting to be consumed. After I pour milk onto it, It turns into this very wheaty, pasty, tasting mud….I think perhaps it was a substance much like this nutty nugget paste that the Navajo Indians used to make their adobe huts down in the Southwestern portion of the United States. Is it nutritious?

I don’t doubt it’s probably one of the most nutritious substances known to man, is it tasty…?

I think not.

I saw on the box that if I wanted a refund I had to send you the box back. If you’d like your bag of Nutty Dust back, I’d be more than happy to ship it back to Cincinnati….the smarter half of me is thinking the guy opening the envelope will be just about as disappointed to rise on a cold Cincinnati morning and open packages of dusty Nuggets. How about we save both of us the trouble and I just set it outside for the pigeons so at least someone will be ‘coo-coo-ing’ with delight.

Let me know, I’d like a refund if possible. I don’t have the price, but it’s worth a dollar maybe a dollar and a quarter to me. I’ve included my contact information above. I have a pay pal account at dave[redacted]@[redacted].com, so….if you wanted to send it there, that’s an option too.

Thanks,

Dave”

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  1. Hooray4Zoidberg says:

    A cereal called “Nutty Nuggets” that turns into a white pasty substance when milk is added….the joke just writes itself here.

    Great letter, I laughed quite a few times, of course, I also laughed at the name alone, I’m just that mature. Nutty Nuggets…LOL.