Add Bling To Your Ring

At a certain time, having a cell phone in and of itself was a bold proclamation of wealth and status. Then more trashy people started getting them. “Oh, I’m just standing in line at the bank, talking on my cel-LEE!” some flabby whore would shriek to an invisible stranger on the other end as you stood behind her in line at the very same bank. In a world where cell phone technology is as ubiquitous as the existence of human bovine trailer trash, how is the savvy and opulent consumer supposed to proclaim their status?

The answer, as always, is bling. Turn your cell phone into a lump of solid gold encrusted with a rainbow of laser-refracting jewels. But who can sell you such a cell phone? The Vertu Lounge, a store-within-a-store at the back of the Nokia Store in Michigan. Although Vertu phones — fitted with “virtually unscratchable sapphire crystal, polished ceramic, ruby bearings and housings made from gold, stainless steel, titanium, carbon fiber and other unusual materials” — can go as low as $5,000, the snooty French shop owners will sell you Nokia variations costing upwards of $90,000.

$A $90,000 Cell Phone? [Sun Times]

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  1. J. Gov says:

    It’s actually on Michigan Avenue in Chicago, IL, not in Michigan.

  2. Juancho says:

    I think Vertu comes with that on-call concierge service as well. That’s how you really know you’re rollin’.

  3. Pelagius says:

    $90,000 Cell Phones: Coming soon to the back seats of taxis everywhere

  4. Ben Popken says:

    Stoner writes:

    “WTF on the “flabby whore” comment and the “human bovine trailer trash” comment?? You can bash cell phones and the often-obnoxious people who use them, but do you have to resort to this kind of extra-shitty comment that unnecessarily bashes women (specifically overweight women) as well?? Who the fuck are you to say someone is a “flabby whore?” What a nasty comment.

    I used to love the Consumerist, but that comment has soured me completely. That doesn’t show off your talent or writing skills, it just shows off that you are trying desperately to be witty.

    What a nasty and mean expression you used. :(“