KFC Takeaway Added to UK Miranda Rights

As an Irishman, I am for all intents and purposes British. I eat crisps, not chips. I dress head-to-toe in vinyl Adidas tracksuits with my bangs greased in a straight line down my forehead. I refer to people I don’t like as “muppets” and “knackers.” My teeth are jagged brown daggers that stick out of my face at implausible angles. But even I have no idea what a ‘YOB’ is.

I mention this because this Sun Online article starts: “A YOB who spent all day on a roof lobbing bricks at cops was ‘rewarded’ with a KFC takeaway.”

The fast food hungry perp climbed to the top of a three storey house in Gloucester and spent 19 hours flinging bricks he ripped out of a chimney to keep up to 50 riot cops at bay. After all that brick flinging, he was understandably hungry, so asked the cops if they wouldn’t mind finishing scooping their brains back into their heads and run around the corner for some fried chicken and some fags.

The residents of the neighborhood were none amused: “If I was in charge, I’d shoot him down with a rubber bullet,” said one disgusted bystander. Don’t fret! Those kentucky fried morsels of flesh saturated with cholesterol and fat are a slow-moving bullet traversing his arteries aimed straight at his heart!

Comment on this story here Soddy, chaps!

Finger Nickin’ Good Farce [Shut the tabloidy fuck up Sun Online]

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  1. Ben Popken says:

    Edward writes:

    “Yob is likely the only survivor of a brief vogue for ‘reversed slang’, a competitor of rhyming slang, whereby a word was reversed. So a yob is a boy (and yobbo is really just ‘boyo’, although it really should be ‘oyob’, if you ask me).”