Top 10 Non-Mutating Cell Phones

That gigantic pulsating growth bulging out of the side of your head sure is socially awkward, isn’t it? Your fellow movie theater patrons incessantly complain about the fluorescent glow. The erratic squirting of radioactive goop has ruined many a bar mitzvah. And you certainly aren’t comfortable with what you suspect is the growth’s nascent sentience, exhibited in the hypnotically commanding undercurrent of murderous thoughts which you can hear sometimes at night.

What to do, what to do? Well, maybe its time for a less radioactive cell phone! We don’t have a list of the cell phones that emit the least radiation unfortunately, but we can tell you what brand of phones not to buy: practically any phone by Motorola. The first successful dirty bomb to go off in a major American metropolis is going to be a SLVR L6 with a small firecracker attached.

Ten Highest Radiation Cellphones [Gizmodo]

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  1. thejanna says:

    Actually, at the end of the list there’s a link to a list of the ten phones that emit the lowest levels of radiation…

  2. Ben Popken says:

    Rocky writes:

    “You say in your posting, “Well, maybe its time for a less radioactive cell phone!” Perhaps you’re just being facetious, but a number of your readers may not really understand what they are reading and may be misled.

    Firstly, you should have written “it’s” instead of “its”, since you mean “it is time….”

    Also, you should not use the word “radioactive” with regard to phones. Radioactivity is the word to describe a quality of uranium, plutonium and all that stuff inside an atomic bomb or a nuclear power plant or the machines at the hospital that they use to help cure your breast cancer or prostate cancer or thyroid cancer. Radioactive items give off gamma rays, and things like alpha and beta particles and neutrons.

    I can assure you that cell phones have no radioactivity in them. As an electrical engineer, I understand the difference.

    Electromagnetic radiation is what cell phones give out. It’s a fancy word for LIGHT or radio waves. It has nothing to do with nuclear radiation. It’s also what your flashlight gives out. And the lamp on your desk. And a match you strike. And the fire inside the furnace in your house. And the radio in your car or in your clock/radio. And the headlights in your car. And your LCD computer monitor. And your digital clock. And the little green or red LED on your TV or your radio or your MP3 player or your PC or your cordless phone or the lights on your bicycle.

    None of those items is radioactive. It’s not the same.

    Rocky”