That gigantic pulsating growth bulging out of the side of your head sure is socially awkward, isn’t it? Your fellow movie theater patrons incessantly complain about the fluorescent glow. The erratic squirting of radioactive goop has ruined many a bar mitzvah. And you certainly aren’t comfortable with what you suspect is the growth’s nascent sentience, exhibited in the hypnotically commanding undercurrent of murderous thoughts which you can hear sometimes at night.
What to do, what to do? Well, maybe its time for a less radioactive cell phone! We don’t have a list of the cell phones that emit the least radiation unfortunately, but we can tell you what brand of phones not to buy: practically any phone by Motorola. The first successful dirty bomb to go off in a major American metropolis is going to be a SLVR L6 with a small firecracker attached.
Ten Highest Radiation Cellphones [Gizmodo]