US Bank: The Turning of the Screw You

From reader Pointed Cap, a finely crafted and amusing tale of US Bank customer service ineptitude with a real kicker at the end.

I am a former US Bank account holder. This story makes me feel good about that. For various and sundry reasons, I need a bank statement from nine months ago. It’s nowhere to be found – not in my file cabinet, nor my workbag, nor my kindling pile.

So I call US Bank’s nationwide customer service, 800-872-2657. They say no, they can’t provide old bank statements to former account holders. I need to take my photo ID and $6.00 to the branch where I opened the account.

Me: “I opened my account in 1986. That’s 20 years ago. Is that branch still open?”
US Bank Rep #1: “Yes sir, that bank is still open at such-and-such address.”
Me: “How do I get there?”
US Bank Rep #1: “I suggest calling the branch and asking for directions.”
Me: “I know WHERE it is. I don’t know HOW I’m going to travel 1,100 miles to get there.”

It gets better, after the jump…

    “After more clever back-and-forth, US Bank Rep #1 directs me to a Local Branch where my ID and $6.00 should do the trick.

    Me: “OK, what do I do when the Local Branch directs me back to you?”

    US Bank Rep #1: “They won’t do that. They can help you there. But call first.”

    I call first.

    Local Branch Rep: “Our system doesn’t go that far back, you have to call US Bank Customer Service.”

    Again.

    US Bank Rep #2: “Yes I can provide that bank statement for you. No charge. I’ll waive the $6 fee since you’re not an account holder. Where would you like me to send it?”

    Wha!??! So I level with him. I tell him I’ve been bouncing around for 30 minutes getting all kinds of different stories. Would it help their processes if I complained to someone about it?

    US Bank Rep #2: “You can complain if you want, but we’ll just put it up on the board with all the other things we need to work on.”

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.