The Coffee Wars Have Begun

The price of another kind of sweet, life-nurturing crude is set to spike: thanks to a bad year in Brazil and growing consumer demand in Eastern Europe and Asia, there may not be enough coffee to meet demand over the next two years. Prices will be going up. A global coffee crisis may well be imminent.

We’re pretty sure a threat to the nation’s coffee supply is actionable under the War on Terror. Unlike gasoline, it’s not like there are any viable alternatives to coffee. What are we supposed to do, drink tea, like some effeminate British ponce?

The Consumerist has a serious question for our nation’s politicians: what country do we have to fucking invade to secure caffeine independence from South America’s bean-counting tyrants? Sign us up. Brownlee can be one of the Brazilian Coffee Wars’ Jason-Bourne-like super soldiers. Popken? We’re not so sure. With his 4 Triple F status, Ben would probably make a good filing clerk, except he tends to faint when he gets a paper cut. Does the Army have towel boys?

Coffee supply crisis on horizon for 2007 [Reuters]

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  1. mark duffy says:

    Thanks. I’ve already rubbed one out to this pic.

  2. matto says:

    better this pic than ben’s couch-shopping porn.