The Thirty Five Words You Can't Use In Your Ringtone
In a preemptive move to prevent the FCC from regulating mobile phone content, Cingular and Verizon have come up with a comprehensive list of prohibited terms that vendors can't use in content sold over their services.
Check out this partial list of banned terms by Cingular. Keep in mind, this list is of words that can't be used in ringtones:
"Ass, balls, BJ, blowjob, breasts, condom, corn-hole, fart, fornicate, fudge packing, insemination, laid, lesbian, masturbate, naked, nipples, nutsack, orgasm, pee pee, penis, piss, porn, puberty, ruby red bag (!), scrotum, semen, sex, shit, sit on my face (!), sixty-nine, smegma, teabagging, testicles, uncircumcised, uterus"
As Popken frantically scrambles to find a new ringtone provider, we can't help but chuckle. Man, what we wouldn't have given to be at the board meeting that decided that list. We bet the air quotes were flying.
Verizon and Cingular Self-Regulate Ringtone Filth [WSJ] (courtesy of Avernon.com)
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Comments:
OK, I get fudge-packing... but uterus?
They probably grabbed some of the words from a 1992 copy of Rolling Stone. "Those punks in Nirvana. Let's nix 'uterus'."
Most new phones have the ability to let you upload your own ringtones that you make yourself. Sure, Cingular and Verizon can say "let's not use these words in ringtones", but if you have the MP3 of "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me" and you want to set it as your wife/girlfriend's ringtone, there's nothing that can stop you from uploading it to your phone using your cable or bluetooth or an uploader.
Which sort of makes me wonder: if these words somehow make it into a law/regulation restricting providers from using these words, and you use them without going through the providers, who, if anyone, will be held at fault. Because SOMEONE will.
You know that by releasing a list like this we are going to have our movies and meetings interupted by cell phones ringing with loud exclamations of "Uterus! Balls! Smegma!" Why can't they just leave it alone...Was it a problem in the first place? Cuz, now it will be...
They missed some real basics here. The rhyme with mick, runt, and cluck.
Speaking of the ones they forgot, I can't help but notice that, of George Carlin's famous 'Seven Words You Can't Say on Television', they missed four of them. Please, don't make me say them...
On further inspection, I can't help but notice that several vital health-related messages are prohibited by this list. Such as:
"Ladies, make sure an uncircumcised penis doesn't leave smegma in your uterus."
And:
"Men, it's important to wipe the pee-pee from your balls before insemination."
Not to mention:
"Breast self-exams are best performed when you are already naked, as when showering or fornicating. And don't forget to check your nipples. If you are with your partner, show him how to check his testicles, too. Remember: only you can prevent cancer!"
Were I of more entrepreneurial spirit, I'd start putting together ringtones with variations of these words and advertising like those daily joke or horoscope subscription services:
Get an explicit ringtone delivered to your phone daily! Impress your friends! Show off to co-workers! Find a date! These ringtones are so explicit, dirty, and nasty, you won't believe your ears! Neither will anyone around you!!!
First ringtone candidate- that one Pit-Pat commercial...
HAHAHA!!! Moth-er...fuck! Fuckety fuck fuck!!!
Okay, sorry to anyone who hasn't seen the first season of Mr. Show. But really, the person who should be apologizing for that is you...to yourself.
at what point will they ban ringers that mention santorum?
Pit-Pat!!! Hiphopnerd, you just made my day!
Hey, where'd all the bags go?
In the bag hutch.
No shit!
On a related note, be sure to be on the lookout for my latest single "Masturbating in the Uterus." Looks like you'll have to make your own ring-tone for it.
I was going to make a snarky comment containing a humorous combination of bad words, but I think someone beat me to it. Instead, I'll just pose a somewhat rhetorical question- According to the Cellular Word Police, would "shit on my face" be apropriate, or are combinations and permutations covered as well?
The answer could have dire ramifications for the underground German Hasslehoffian scatporn site I get my ringtones from.
Um..."fart"? You can't say "fart" in public now? When the fuck did *that* happen??
I don't really understand its relevance to the post, but that bag is adorable! What is it -- how can I get one?
Nemtynakht, Please take your "ruby red bag" elsewhere.
I guess it's a good thing that I uploaded Lords of Acid's "Sit on my face" to my cell phone without Cingular finding out about it.
Actually, no I haven't, that's a lie. But now that I've read this, I'll fire up my audio editor and create a ringtone from that song and upload it to my phone.
And now that I've opened the MP3 up, I find out the name of the song is "I Sit on Acid".
Could you imagine being the guy who was tasked with coming up with that list? What a fun day he must have had at work.
By the way, they forgot "Cock, buttmunch, ass bandit, rimjob, and sperm slerping cum dumpster."
Yeah! I can say all those things in my ringtones!