Disney DVD Players Explode, Maim Obnoxious Children

That Disney brand portable DVD player you use to pacify a hyperventilating toddler on your next cross-country flight is the equivalent of handing him a frag grenade to play with.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has ordered a recall of the product on the grounds that the battery can overheat, causing it to explode and the Toy Story DVD inside to transform into a shrapnel storm of molten metal shards, impaling eyeballs, slicing through sinew and decapitating noggins.

The recall was issued when the commission received 17 reports of batteries overheating with three reports of minor skin irritations and three reports of minor property damage.

The time bombs in question are the Princess, Mickey Mouse, Mickey Classic, Fairy Flowers and Power Rangers models. The perfect birthday gift for that obnoxious little twerp in your neighborhood!

Disney brand DVD players recalled [Yahoo News]

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  1. Hawkins says:

    Sadly, the batteries only detonate while recharging, as is the case with most exploding batteries.

    So it’s unlikely that the whining little bundle of nastiness that’s been kicking your airplane seat-back for the last hour will actually be destroyed.

    But it sure it pleasant to contemplate.

  2. mark duffy says:

    Good. I hate children.

  3. Send your children to infinity … AND BEYOND!

  4. Paul D says:

    Serves the parents right for buying Disney-branded electronics. You’re safer with a Chinese Panaphonic, Tohiba or Sorny knockoff.

  5. don_mynack says:

    I fail to see any kind of connection between Disney-branded stuff for kids and obnoxiousness, although apparently you do.

    Because that iPod you constantly prance around wearing, and that cell phone you prattle on into at all hours signifies your enlightenment, not the fact that everybody else thinks you are a complete tool. At least that’s what you tell yourself.

  6. Papercutninja says:

    C’mon, Don. Don’t be so sensitive. ALL children are obnoxious. Enjoy your Walkman and rotary phone.

  7. Papercutninja says:

    Wait, do these pieces of shit have headphones? Cuz the last thing i want to hear on an international flight is Snow White for the third fucking time.