Toddlers Too Fat For Child Safety Seats

Millions of American parents are dealing with a new problem: how to squish that gelatinous piece of lard into a too-small child safety seat.

Plastic child safety seats exploding about their portly bellies like shrapnel bombs, the nation’s fattest children are forced to commute to preschool in seats that do not adequately protect their squidgy cellulite from trauma in case of a car crash. Only two child safety seats on the market today accomodate today’s morbidly obese toddler and both cost upwards of $250.

“While we await reductions in the childhood obesity epidemic, it is essential to develop child safety seats that can protect children of all shapes and sizes,” said Lara Trifiletti, a safety seat researcher alarmed by the results of the study.

We’re not sure why she’s so concerned. Surely in a car crash, a fat child would be safer than the other passengers, as he imperviously bounced around the inside of the vehicle like a piece of Flubber.

Kids Getting Too Fat For Safety Seats, Study Finds

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  1. airship says:

    This is a huge problem. (Pun intended.)
    I’m way too fat for normal car seats. Seriously. I barely fit behind the steering wheel in my American car, and don’t fit at all in most Japanese imports. If the airbag ever goes off, I’m probably dead. Products are designed for those 90% of consumers who fit comfortably inside the bell curve. Which is fine, if all you’re talking about is selling crap and making money. If no one wants to make pants that fit me, fine, I understand. There’s more money to be made making designer jeans for vain, skinny teenage girls. But when it comes to SAFETY there needs to be some way to accommodate everyone, even us fat-asses. Because then it’s not just about the profit margins anymore. It’s about death.

  2. Yozzie says:

    But wait – surely “some way to accommodate everyone” implies a two-way street, and action by both the manufacturer and the consumer to achieve a safety compromise? Car seat too small for your obese child? Yeah, that’s a problem, but not as much of a problem as, say, the epidemic of obese toddlers. Forcing the manufacturers to redesign their product lines to accommodate a minority of people suffering an arguably self-inflicted problem (well, except for the obese toddlers, that’s more of an act of parental assault IMO) forces the prices up for everyone else of normal “carriage” who uses the same product.

    I’m not taking a shot at anyone (I’m a former chunk myself) but the responsibility for protecting a fat ass in an accident rests just as much with the fat ass as it does with the car maker. And if we’re going to talk about safety and preventing death among the obese, well, the “people of size” movement oughta take a good hard look at themselves before claiming society has a responsibility to subsidise their irresponsibility.

  3. OkiMike says:

    Car seat too small for your fat kid?

    Well, the way I see it is that even if I redesign the car seat to fit his fat ass, he could still die of a heart attack once he’s doing other things. So perhaps in the long run its “safer” if you take him off of his diet of Twinkies, Hohos, and Cocoa Puffs and we continue to make car seats the same size.