Inventions Can Always Be Improved: Nose-Pouch Handkerchief

Over at Strange New Products we saw this amazing handkerchief with a built-in nose pocket for catching and collecting expelled mucus. But the other alternatives are so much more amazing. Dye it black, blow your nose, then let go. Now you’ve got the perfect ninja mask. Fold one corner into the pocket and balance it upon the crown of your head — a respectable yarmulke. Turn it upside down and it fills the function of collecting unwanted post-coital drippings.

The list goes on and on, we’re sure we’re missing some. It’s a slow news morning, so why not while away the time in the comments section, twisting your imaginations in pursuit of alternative functions. As usual, the filthier and more disgusting, the better.

Handkerchief With Nose Pouch [Strange New Products]

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  1. Bubba Barney says:

    I get tormented by people for using an old-fashioned hanky. People think it’s gross that you walk around with a snot filled piece of fabric on your person.

    I have found that using hankies is kinder to the nose. It doesn’t get as dry and irritated as it does if you use disposable tissue. Plus, it saves paper.

    As for alternate uses, I’m thinking makeshift tea strainer? In-effective condom? Although that would chafe like a mo-fo.

  2. AcidReign says:

    …..Agreed, Bubba! Even Puffs Plus will sandpaper your probiscus into raw meat! Truth be told, though, I carry too many things in my pockets already, to be dealing with pocket mucus containment!

    …..Ye olde snot-rocket is the way to go when your’re plugged up. Close the good side of your nose up with a finger, then blow like crazy! (Not in your house!!!) As a beneficial side-effect, this can quickly clear crowded elevators, malls and doctor’s offices…

    ……I happened on an even better snot-cure about three years ago. I served up several bottles of a good Reserve cabernet for a home-cooked spring celebration, and got a bit bloated and plastered. Then we decided to comb the woods outside my house for fresh raspberries that grow there. Of course, “woods” in a city suburb are limited, and the best berries that day happened to be located near a concrete retaining wall overlooking an orthopedic clinic…

    …..In my buzzed zeal for fresh fruit, I managed to take a fifteen foot header off the wall into the parking lot. After a brief period of unconsciousness, I was treated to hours of vomitus, and broken glasses. For several days afterwards, my face kept filling up with blood behind the skin. But…. I’ve not had more than the most trivial of colds since, and no major nose blockages in three years!

    …..So if you’re prone to snot, get hit on the head really hard! Worked for me…

  3. Scott says:

    Fetusfolio: take your “oops” home from the clinic!