Coca-Cola Blāk Effervescent Coffee Crap Debut

Coca-Cola has a new adult beverage that’s a blend of “unique Coke refreshment with the true essence of coffee and has a rich smooth texture and has a coffee-like froth when poured.” Coca-Cola Blāk will launched in France, because if you consume cold snails, you will consume anything.

The macron over Blāk was specially designed by Coca-Cola scientists to help onomatopoeize the sound you’ll make after drinking the concoction.

April 3rd marks the product’s American launch date, so get your hoarding sacks ready, this could be the next Crystal Clear Pepsi.

Coca-Cola Blak launched in the United States [via Agenda, Inc.]

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  1. etinterrapax says:

    “Coke refreshment” has the same sound of suspiciously needless elaboration as “cheese food.”

  2. Papercutninja says:

    Why would i want to drink something called pronouced “Blake”? Seriously, a drink named after boring WASPs? It has the “true essence of coffee”, which means it has NO coffee or coffee by-products in or near it. Yum.

  3. LTS! says:

    They should have modelled the name after the pronunciantion used by the South African consulate secretary as featured in the film Lethal Weapon 2.

    “But.. but.. you’re bleck.” Perhaps “bleck” would also describe the sound you’d make after tasting it.

    Of course I’m a sheep and unless it’s $1.50/bottle I might try it… once.

  4. GenXCub says:

    They did well with Coke Zero, then failed with the “straight from Satan’s butt” Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke… someone has too many marketers.

  5. CTSLICK says:

    This post was much funnier once I found out what “onomatopoeize” meant. But will ask that you please stop expanding my vocabulary and stick with nice monosyllabic words.

  6. airship says:

    Am I the only one who is offended that ‘monosyllabic’ has five syllables?

  7. Perja says:

    I drank it and I bought another bottle for the collector value. It’s gross. If you want the effect, just make the worst and most concentrated coffee your coffee machine will produce, take a regular coke and dump a tablespoon or third of a cup full in it.

  8. Bubba Barney says:

    Ick. I’d probably try it though. I actually liked Crystal Pepsi. And the ‘Ok’ soda Coke made for a brief period.

  9. Bubba Barney says:

    Speaking of foreign people’s tastes being different, I currently have a bottle of Topo-Chico’s ‘Sangria’ flavored soda. It tastes like you got a bunch of Otter Pops, let them melt, and poured it all in to one glass.

  10. AcidReign says:

    …..Not usually one to waste time commenting on 3 day old posts, but…

    …..I’m an experience hand at the soda-coffee thing. See, there’s waking up thirsty, but you’re too cotton-mouthed, unsteady, and queasy to contemplate coffee yet. So, you pour up a nice soft drink, and guzzle some morning energy down. Then, coffee seems more palatable!

    …..Still, in your hung-over stupor, you didn’t really manage to finish the mug of Dr. Pepper, or whatever. Then, you brew up a nice coffee pot, and pour the wonderful steaming brew over soda dregs. This is possibly the worst morning surprise one can imagine! It’s bitter dirt-water with phlegmy corn-syrup dregs! Yuck!