New Credit Card Offers Good APR, Free Breasts

We call the ponderous attention of our female readers to the new Plastic Assets credit card, and — in the fashion of our flagrant Sprint “ambassador” shilling — fully endorse it.

What makes Plastic Asset’s different than other credit card companies? A low APR, an attractive web-site, a can-do attitude and the explicit promise of a free set of breast implants to every new member.

Honestly? We were pretty much set ourselves to sign up for a card. The prospect of free breast implants is not with outs its own distinctive allure. Frankly, we here at the Consumerist have been slaves to our own staunch heterosexuality (well, at least John has) for far too long. An easily accessible set of breast implants would be just the ticket to free us from the tyranny of our own libidos. Think of those stress relief balls or Archie McPhee Martian Popping Things. Feverishly, we submitted our application.

But our excitement set us up for a pretty bitching let down, when we discovered that the entire “Plastic Assets” website was part of a Huffington Post contest to create the highest traffic website. Perchance to dream. But we’re posting this anyway to try to give Plastic Assets the edge.

Link: Plastic Assets