Triple Indemnity: Keyspan Overestimates Gas Bills

Got bi-monthly bill from Keyspan. Gas supplier. Opened. Read.

$800 charge. Read again.

Somewhere, heard someone make noises. Like an animal. Read it one more time. Noticed ‘reading ESTIMATED.’

Strange.

Who would estimate therms like that? Several times what they were before?

Only one thing could. A stupid gas company. It had to be stopped.

Walked downstairs. Read meter. Meter said 288, not 516. Called Keyspan.

Corrected them.

They said they’d send a new bill right over, sir. Hung up phone. Watched sun set. Shivered. Boiler not working either. Coincidence. Maybe. Rage, she is a warm mistress at your side.

Comments

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  1. WMeredith says:

    Who is writing this crap? This post is hard to read. The last post was extremely insensitive with it’s headline, and the post before that was worse than this one.

    Just a comment from one of your consumers.

  2. Ben Popken says:

    Your disfavor with our pitiful attempts to amuse ourselves with stylistic wankery are duly noted.

  3. ECN2 says:

    What’s with the adversity to subject nouns?

  4. Ben Popken says:

    Neo-noir affectations.

  5. Amy Alkon says:

    I’m with everybody on the preference for complete sentences, but Americans (assuming WMeredith is one, sorry if I’m wrong) should lighten up on what is and isn’t permissible humor. Crazy people are funny, okay? -Amy Alkon, Ritalin Queen

  6. Paul D says:

    Hard to read? Are you kidding?

    Me fail English? Unpossible!

    (I get it. The post was funny.)

  7. bonnie says:

    Call me easily amused, but I’m a sucker for stylistic wankery and thoroughly enjoyed the post!

  8. airship says:

    You all must remember that this is a ‘blog’, meaning it is here mostly for the self-gratification of the bloggers themselves. Any residual amusement that might fall onto its readers is strictly incidental.
    That being said, I appreciate the scraps that fall my way from The Consumerist, Ben. But that’s just me.

  9. mrscolex says:

    Lets play the parody game, I’ll go first:

    Opened firefox, click on live bookmark for Consmerist RSS feed. Drawn to page.

    “Midgets are bad for the economy?”.

    Somewhere, heard someone make distinct noise. Like a giraffe in winter.

    Strange. Slurping.

    Who would denigrate little people like that?

    Only two people would. Ben Popken and his chained bulldog Joel.

    Walked outside. Fell to knees in despair.

    Cursed them.

    They promised they wouldn’t do it again, sir. Disabled RSS feed. Watched sun set. Shivered. iTunes not working either. Coincidence. Maybe. Midget prostitutes make warm company by your side.

  10. Plaid Rabbit says:

    I thought this was funny.

    Whatever, my two cents.

  11. CTSLICK says:

    I thought this post was great…it read like a full on stream of thought that I would probably have. Posts like this keep this being just another belly button blog.

    Back on topic…the utility trolls have screwed up three folks bills in our neighborhood. And these are houses with the supposedly triple kick ass electronic readers. Funny how the mistakes are always in the utility’s favor and not just a little bit either

  12. AcidReign says:

    …..Or you could pay Consumer Reports and get a subscription, and be bored out of your skull. My goodness! The post is a good release, to be sure. And it makes my shocking $300 January gas bill look positively economical, by comparison! I’m hoping they re-read my meter, too, and the next bill has a credit…

    …..We didn’t even get any snow this year. It can’t be right. And with temps in the 70s today, I’m figuring the last freeze has already happened, and we can get ready for a sweltering La Nina summer. Joy.

  13. OkiMike says:

    I must say, I enjoy a good stylistic wank or two in the morning!

  14. tinfoil says:

    Fearful as I am about bringing this back on topic, I recently had the same issue with Hydro One up here in the boonies of Southern Ontario. Historically I use about 13-15 of whatever measurement they use for January, but they have estimated that I used 60. Again, not sure what unit-of-measurement it is that they are using.

    Last year they estimated significantly under, this year they seem to be estimating significantly over.

  15. e.varden says:

    @tinfoil:

    Addendum: for you readers not from central Canuckistan may be puzzled by the term Hydro as referring to electicity.

    —– Warning: What follows is an explanation of “Hydro”, including a history of the term via thepersonage of Sir Henry Pellatt.

    Reader discretion is advised.

    Early in the 20th C. a Canadian with serious British ties, Sir Henry Pellatt (a gent of grand engineering and entrepreneurial talents) where after several successful ventures settled in what was then the northern outskirt of Toronto, where he built a fabulous castle-like abode on the cliff-like rise that marks the ancient littoral of Lake Ontario (Casa Loma, now an amazing tourist attraction – ttp://www.digitalozone.com/casaloma/).

    It was Henry who was behind the diversion of the Falls on the Niagara river, to produce hydro-electric power.

    Hence, Hydro became synonymous with electricity, here.

    (This is our Hearst Castle, so to speak.)

    Hen was proliferate (at the time he could “afford” to be).

    He built a massive (and I mean massive) many-storeyed brick stable, connected to the castle by an underground passageway. He also brought in his entire mounted regiment , and quartered them there. In Casa Loma itself, he had installed the first-ever system of indirect lighting, and perhaps the first non-commercial elevator to ease the ascent of his crippled wife to her bed-chambers. In the solarium the gardens’ soil was heated by underground steam piping. There was an imported pipe-organ, showers with faucets for scented water. No two floors of th 98 rooms were finished in the same wood-pattern. etc.