For God’s Sakes… Save The Porn!

We know that when we linked the story about the Prada store burning down, our astute readership recognized the post for what it was: shameless quota-meeting filler on a slow news day. “So Paris Hilton has one less ten thousand dollar handbag—how does that affect me, Joe or Jane America?” you might have asked yourself, depending on the configuration of your genitals or gender image. We admit, it wasn’t much of a story, and we’re sorry to have wasted your time with it. To use the parlance of consumerism, it added little take home.

But this story is different. Yes, another retail outlet has burned down, but this time, it’s a retail outlet that actually matters. First of all, it’s a porn store that burned down. And second of all, it’s not a porn store that turned down… it’s two. And third of all, it’s not two porn stores that burned down… it’s two porn stores that are so amazing that they actually have the adjective right in their title!

For the second time in less than a week, an Amazing porn shop north of Boston has burned to ashes, too hot for even firefighters to handle.

The chain of sizzling sex toy and va-va-voom video superstores, where fans frolic with their favorite X-rated stars, may be victims of nothing more than bad luck.

I
ve been in this job long enough to know there are times when there are coincidences,
state Fire Marshal Stephen Coan said yesterday after the Amazing Superstore on Route 1 north in Peabody went up in smoke less than 12 miles from where, on Jan. 16, fire reduced the Amazing video store on Main Street in Reading to rubble.

Isn’t that second sentence just great? We also love the panicked response from the fire chief when asked the most pertinent question: for god’s sakes, man, can any of the porn be saved?

Asked if rescue crews were able to save any Amazing merchandise, Coughlin said,
I was never a customer, so I don
t know what would have been worth salvaging. But, there was nothing left. Everything was incinerated.

That’s the sort of overexplained sound byte that only a man afraid his wife is watching him on television at home would give.

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. Paul D says:

    I smell arson by fundies.

  2. thelastbard says:

    Wow… I just had a “Better Off Dead” flashback. I was fully expecting the fire chief to run out of one of the burning “toy shops” arms loaded with “product” hot and quivering from the flames lamenting in a smoke choked snarl, “I saved all I could – it’s just melting in there…” voice trails off in hacking sobs as he drops his armful to the ground and curses the heavens…

    Maybe I’ve been at work too long.

  3. SamC says:

    I love hearing people try to cover their reasons for going into to a porno shop.

    “But honey, it was on fire! And I’m a firefighter!”

    I bet he still had to sleep on the couch for a week.

  4. non-meat-stick says:

    “That is no excuse, I told you to stay away from there and you didn’t listen. You NEVER listen”